On August 25 I took my oldest off to college in PA. I shed no tears, to tell you the truth. I left campus before the matriculation ceremony because frankly, he did not want me there. So rather than shedding tears, I felt relief. I arrived home and felt the tension of the past months fading away, until I walked into his room and found the ruin he'd left behind for me to deal with before he comes home for his first visit. I did not hear from him for the first few days....and then, like a storm cloud, the whining began from afar. My roommates...blah, blah, blah,
my classes....blah, blah, blah....my lost wallet....blah, blah, blah! NO FUN!....blah, blah, blah. And I know it is not home and hearth he longs for but his gang of friends. So, I've discovered that I have become hard hearted and can ignore the long distance whining and feel no guilt. I do dread what the cellular bill is going to look like though.

Kathryn's back! Yahooo! I will notify the possee they can stop looking and I am glad I didn't pay the ransome!

About the son thing. After paying TWICE for my youngest to go to college, only to have him drop out TWICE, I finally realized two things:

1) You can lead a horse to water...but you can't make him drink.
2) He has to make the commitments for and to his life. I can't do it for him.

So...in order to save what hair I had left, I sat him down and told him if he decided to go back to college, he would have to get a part time job and pay for it. I was done. He didn't take me serious until he found out (in the working world) that you don't get very far without that piece of paper. He asked me to pay for him to go back. I gently said, "I'm sorry son. I have. I can't anymore." That was two years ago.

He is struggling now, learning a good trade, but struggling. HE REMINDS me of that conversation and keeps telling me how right I was. How he wished he had stayed in school...how..this that and the other. I listen, but don't give in. I want him to want it so badly, HE goes after it. I wanted him to fall and learn to get back up. In other words, I let go. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I can already see bits and pieces of maturity shining through.

He may never go back to school (lacks about a year and a half) but he HAS learned a valuable lesson. As I told him, "I am here for listening, loving, hugs, and moral support...but you are a man, my son." Sometimes...you have to love them enough, to turn away. Just my thoughts.

Jawjaw, no wonder you are the queen! A very wise one at that!

It's great to hear from someone who knows the definition of tough love by having exemplified it.

You are an encouragement the younger moms in here! Thank you...

I'm glad you chose to save the hair. Wigs can be a real hassle!

Kathryn, I'm hearing all kinds of stories from mothers of boys who have just left for school. All I can say is , "It's time to grow up!"

They want the freedom, now they have it. Let's hope and pray they make the right choices.

Oh and the cell phone thing, we have a family plan where we can talk FREE from cell to cell any time of day or night, and our son is 10 hours from home. It has been great. Of course I say FREE, but we are paying a small fortune for the plan.

Speaking of small fortunes...our son chose not to take his bat bag to college. Decided to take a football and his baseball glove. Odd combination!

Anyway, we got the call..."I've decided to go out for the club team afterall. Can you please mail my bat bag, cleats, bat, baseball pants, hat, etc.?"

Oh, and did I mention he needed in 2 days?

My friend at Post Man Plus told me he loves nothing more than to deal with scared mothers who are afraid something might not get there in time. He laughed and said that automatically doubles what he has to charge.

I keep hearing that the tuition is jutt the beginning of the money that will be sucked from our wallets! Now I know what eveyone has been talking about!

Ladies, yes, I should have employed tough love several years ago according to my younger son. He tells me all the time what a dope I was where the oldest was concerned. Of course he tells me the tales now, not when they were happening. So tough love it is, and frankly, it is for all the wrong reasons. I do care what happens to him obviously, but with all the hell of the last year, between his antics and his father's, I'm done, done, done, like the purdue chicken whose pop up timer has hit the oven top. I want to not worry about any of this any more....So if he calls, he calls, and if not, oh well. It is amazingly liberating. And dots, I too have gotten the frantic call and because he is only an hour and a half away I really believe he thought I would jump in the car and drive to PA to solve his problem. The old Kath would have....the new Kath said, I'll deal with it on Tuesday when the bank reopens, meanwhile, oh well! I am proud of me.

Ms. K,
I'm proud of you too! Unfortunately, child rearing doesn't come with a set of instructions. So...because of this, we develop 20/20 hindsight. We do the best we can and hope that the foundation we laid out for them kicks in at some point. That and prayer are all one needs, if you ask me. THEY have to start living their life at some point, and THEY have to take the responsibility for their actions too. We did...they should too. When my sons come to me with a problem, I usually say "what would YOU do if I weren't here?" They always have an answer. It may not be the one they want, but it is usually the RIGHT answer. I make it sound so easy. It isn't. They also fail from time to time. But isn't that part of it? I also tell my children that if they are doing the best they can, and they still need help, then I am there, but only after they have helped themselves. I could have gotten dogs, but nooooo....I just had to have children....

Oh drat, drat and double drat.....he says he needs a break and is coming home for 36 hours!
And this weekend, I was going to be childless for those same 36 hours as the other two had overnight plans. Curses!!!!! What is the deal here? God knows I need a break, I need a break do you hear me. He needs a break from what? Getting paid a $21,000 scholarship to eat, sleep, play lacrosse, go to class and party. A break....I'll give him a break all right!