I wanted to ask everyone to keep me in prayer. I am really feeling the stress of the whole situation I am struggling to get out of. For those of you who don't know me, here's the scoop: husband of 24 years turned out to be downloading child porn off the internet (I found out when the sheriff served a search warrant--husband hasn't set foot in house since) Later he confessed to being gay as well. 2 months later my mother passed away after battling lung cancer. The divorce isn't final yet--almost a year. Have found out that the FBI and the Post Office will be pursuing prosecution of my husband. Husband hasn't helped pay a single bill since that aweful day. I am drowning in debt and house hasn't sold. With the increase in gas prices I scrambled and begged and borrowed more money to get an small and very cheap apartment for my son near his college campus--so now I am dealing with empty nest syndrome as well! I was doing pretty good but now with my son gone too...it's like too many battlefields to face at the same time--too many seasons to deal with. I can't concentrate at work--for the first time this morning I actually crawled back into bed--twice! I have no energy, no direction, no vision for my new, wide-open-make-it-whatever-I-want-it-to-be-future should be. I need God to give me clear direction. I need to be able to concentrate at my job before I screw up and loose it too....

I'd really appreciate the prayer cover. Thanks all.

Starting Over, is there any way to take a short (preferably paid) medical leave of absence from your job, say for a week (two would be better), just to catch your breath and recoup your equilibrium a bit? Sounds like you're burned out and need some downtime to just breathe.

I'll be keeping you in heart-prayer. In the meantime, try to still your heart and hectic mind and just breathe...this too shall pass...all things work together for good...God has not abandoned you...there are silver linings somewherein all this mess...those are the kind of mantras that have gotten me through some of those dark crawl-back-to-bed mornings. Whatever you do, keep breathing, and be gentle with yourself. You've been through too much to worry about the rest of your life right this moment...the road will come clear when it's time. Be gentle with yourself while you're healing.

[ September 12, 2005, 04:37 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

Dear Starting over:
I am sorry for such a stressful situation you are in right now. I am praying for you and your family. Although not exactly the same situation, I know how it feels to have your castle crumble down, or so it seems.

Please know that God has a purpose for you. I do pray he gives you strength, direction, new vision and courage to face each new day. We can have peace amidst the storm. He calmed the angry sea, and can calm the angry waves of deception, sorrow, stress and uncertainty you are now facing. I will continue to pray for you.

Eagle's idea is great! Some down time may help you, if it is at all possible for you. I know that when we are in the middle of the storm it is hard to find some time to stop trying to survive. But even Jesus slept during the storm. His example shows there is nothing impossible.

The master of the wind and all creation is there for you. Hear his voice speaking:"Peace, be still" to your heart. Give him your struggles and rest assured he will not forsake you!
Blessings!

[ September 13, 2005, 11:02 AM: Message edited by: Songbird ]

Starting over, What you are experiencing now is a form of after shock or shell shock as your world has come tumbling down. It sounds as if you have your health and you have a job so what you have to do is to trust in the Lord. He will wrap his arms around you and hold you near to his heart. He never gives us more than we can bear. Could you borrow against the equity in your home? Then when it does sell you can pay back that loan, it will at least help keep your head above water now. I am so sorry this has happened to you but you are not guilty of anything, you are a victim. You must be strong now, you are worth the effort as is your son. I will ask my church group to pray for your strength and recovery. God bless you and check out that loan against the equity in your home.

[ September 12, 2005, 06:59 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

You really have a lot on your plate.

While I was in the process of divorcing my now ex husband, I also found out he'd been arrested for exposing himself to young girls. I felt like vomiting. It's the first step into child porn, molesting children, etc. So, I can honor your shock with this.

I know the feelings. I would wake up in the middle of the night in a scary, cold sweat and have trouble breathing. I had constant diarrhea. I lived on antacids. I had to go on antidepressants to just exist and even then, it wasn't easy.

I surrounded myself with friends. Their support helped me get through. I found a good therapist to help me make sense of everything. I threw myself into my job. I got down on my knees every morning and prayed for guidance. I took it one day at a time and sometimes, one second at a time but I eventually broke through to the other side. It wasn't easy but today I feel I'm a better woman for it. I look at it all as a life lesson.

I will also be praying for you. I know how difficult it is. You are loved.

Thanks all. No, I can't take time off work. I am a one-man office--no health insurance, no benefits. Can't afford to take time off anyway since he's not helping to pay bills. Funny, a vacation at the beach never interested me before, but now I can actually see myself lying on a beach somewhere.....

I have surrounded myself with family and church support--don't know what I would do without them--and you all!

No, I can't borrow against equity, have already racked up debt keeping bills paid, if I take equity to continue, won't have anything to pay back debt with--but it was a good thought.

Today's e-mail from him states that he isn't going to sign paperwork to reduce the price of the house. He is going to try to tie my hands again and I will miss the fall selling season. I didn't respond to him; I called the attorney and left a message demanding action. Don't know if it will get anywhere.

I also called the local paper and placed an ad looking for a woman to move in and share expenses. Maybe I can rent the master bedroom suite to a couple of college girls (campus nearby) with any luck I can get through the winter and put it back on the market in the spring....

He sent a text message to my son and a seperate one to me on Monday stating, "God still loves both of you and He is willing to forgive you"!!!!!????

Something's really wrong with him. Sin has taken over I guess, I wonder where the line is that God turns someone over to a reprobate mind. Anyone ever heard a teaching on that?

Thanks for the prayers ladies--I really need them. Have a great day!

startingover, I think the idea of having renters is a great one. It's a perfect financial and empty nest solution. You're brilliant. Just be sure you do backround checks.

I am happy to hear you are surrounding yourself with positive people. That's what you need right now. Take this time to lean on others. I'm sure you've had friends lean on you in the past. Now it's your turn. It's okay to feel needy right now. Just know the feeling won't last. You WILL look back on this and know you became a stronger, more faithful disciple. We're here for you and will see you through this.

Sounds like you've had the strength in you all along! You went from crawling back into bed to finding the energy, direction, and vision you need to go on! All in 2 days time! Imagine the possibilities now! I applaud you for having the courage to think about yourself for once---there's only one way to go now...forward! You are already in my prayers.

If you need more support (and since you don't have health insurance) you might try attending a Twelve Step program like Al Anon (it's for family of alcoholics but great for anyone who is in a situation they can't control and feeling that their own life has become unmanageable). It's free ($1 in the basket if you have it), good people, lots of support. Also any local Family Service agency, Catholic Social Services, Lutheran Social Services--all provide professional help on a sliding scale basis. I've been in similar places in my life and even though I am a professional therapist myself found great strength in Al Anon. It's helped me through very tough times over twenty years, including facing the death of my mother (the nurses called and it should be today or tomorrow). Here in California, if people need to be off work, there is a State Disability program. I'm not sure there is anything similar in your state?? But my prayers are with you. Karen