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#144347 - 03/10/08 03:57 AM Feeling suffocated..non-exploratory people
orchid Offline


Registered: 01/21/07
Posts: 3675
Loc: British Columbia, Canada
I'm probably arrogant..and just coming across as just darn cold..

as I get older, I have less and less patience with people around my age and abit older, who just don't want to explore their world...either read /learn different points of view, try courses/activities or travel abit.

I guess I figure because I'm closest in maturation/life experience to those only a few older years than me, that I take license to be less forgiving than someone several decades older than me.

I realize some women have responsibilities,..maybe needy adult children, young grandchildren, a hubby who refuses to cook...whatever...or they just want to nice cocooned world with same old routine everyday at the same time, etc.

As a result, I tend to avoid such people. I feel as if I'm suffocating. For instance, I have such an employee who took the big step of divorce and a program of college training to get her a job. Just the other day, I suggested maybe she and her sister could visit some of the beautiful places in our province. She only viewed travelling as seeing relatives. She has no interest. Same person who lives in suburbs but considers driving 30 kms. in the metropolitan part of our city (area where I live), a big adventure which she rather only engage 2-3 times annually. She gets upset by spicy food and on and on. It's difficult for me to hear the latter several times each month. SHe has 2 adult sons, who sound like great young men and I have praised that accordingly. She is my age...

I could never feel close to woman like her.. Even my busy married sisters with young and adult children, were never like that at no point in their lives. Thank goodness..

I consider the women in this forum not in the category of being non-exploratory. You have an effort..to participate and stay in this forum!
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#144348 - 03/10/08 06:39 AM Re: Feeling suffocated..non-exploratory people [Re: orchid]
Edelweiss Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 4136
Loc: American living in Europe
Orchid, I don’t understand people who don’t have a natural curiosity about their environment either. My DIL is an example. But now that I know her better, I have tried to see her life from her perspective.

Family and friends are her life. Their apartment is always full of people music and food. There is a lot of laughter, conversation, and a feeling of togetherness. This is where she invests her time and her money. Her friends and family all travel. But all love coming to her because she is an avid listener and enjoys looking at the photographs. She says there is no need for her to go anywhere, she sees it all through the eyes of her friends.

I suppose there are other reasons too, but this is just an example. What I’m trying to say is, it doesn’t make a person a bad person if they aren’t interested in travelling or taking courses. Whatever works for them and makes them happy is all right.

Life is one big tossed salad. Some people are like the big slices of tomatoes, they just lie there and let themselves get spiced by zesty little herb like people;…but we need those tomatoes as well!

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#144349 - 03/10/08 10:49 AM Re: Feeling suffocated..non-exploratory people [Re: Edelweiss]
Mountain Ash Offline
Member

Registered: 12/30/05
Posts: 3027
Orchid
I say this gently.
You list non activity along side other traits.
For me.. non activity is a state I am advised to do.For some one who danced played sport ran and cycled this is emotionally painful.It has to be bourne.I have erosive arthitis.and any activity beyond my theshold is wrong for me.To look at I am not much changed.I wear hand splints to keep my hands supported type as much as possible..to save handwriting strain.I pace my housework.My feet mirror my hands so I limit where I go.I still go every where I did but from experience know the outcome.
Erosive arthitis is a post menopausal strain.It was until 1956 viewed as rhemetoid arthritis.The the discovery that "handling the sites of the condition sensibly" was long term beneficial.My hands will have to feed wash and dress me into old age and my specialist made things clear to me.

One day when I had a flare up a locum GP telephoned my specialist urgently..all I had done extra was clean my kitchen cupboards.This I do now one shelf at a time.I have learned as I go along and know one day this situtaion will pass.
I save some of my energy for my greenhouse..would even pay for a cleaner to have this in my life.Growing flowers and salad treats my soul.
Adjusting to change comes in differnet guises.Perhaps people have situations they cope with in their individual way.
I loved when I was full of health and energy but wont let my life change limit my happiness.
My world wide interest and curiosity are heightened.Travel shows documentries and good books likewise.The sky the clouds sunsets .
Non activity is not chosen I did not ask it in.
Mountain ash

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#144350 - 03/10/08 11:32 AM Re: Feeling suffocated..non-exploratory people [Re: Mountain Ash]
ladyjane Offline


Registered: 08/22/07
Posts: 1761
Loc: Southern Maine, USA
Orchid, you would then know that everyone is different and happy in their own way. Some women love being homemakers and sharing with their families. If that's where they are at any one time of their life, so be it. It can be very fulfilling and rewarding. When not away at work, I'm content at home doing my gardening and caring for my home. I read, write and do what soothes my soul while giving to family and others. People are at different points in their life no matter what their age. If one must travel and take classes to explore....well, that is not the way for many and it's okay.
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#144351 - 03/10/08 05:58 PM Re: Feeling suffocated..non-exploratory people [Re: ladyjane]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Interesting perspectives which is what I love about this place.

The only time people like this irritate me is when they complain about their lives and never do anything to make changes. Over and over, the same complaints.
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#144352 - 03/11/08 03:29 AM Re: Feeling suffocated..non-exploratory people [Re: orchid]
orchid Offline


Registered: 01/21/07
Posts: 3675
Loc: British Columbia, Canada
Hey Mountain Ash: In no way did my comments include those limited temporarily or permanently by a "disbility". Do you mind that term for your current situation? After all, one of my married sisters with young children (at that time) had a significant shoulder muscle problem that lasted over 1 yr. before she healed herself with yoga. She could not lift her baby from the crib.. I never considered her even then, disinterested about the world around her..beyond her family and neighbourhood.

I guess the women who I maintain close friendships are actively interested in the world beyond their familiar family and neighbourhood.

I know my mother has imposed her own little world around her..and doesn't want know alot more. It's her adult children that push her to learn more ..via what we do differently etc.....that gets her draggged into reality of changing world beyond her safe, tight little world. But she is alot older than I.

True Dotsie, people who complain for years..and don't do anything to help themselves change for something positive.
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http://velourbansism.wordpress.com


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#144353 - 03/11/08 11:11 PM Re: Feeling suffocated..non-exploratory people [Re: orchid]
meredithbead Offline
The Divine Ms M

Registered: 07/07/03
Posts: 4894
Loc: Orange County, California
When I was younger, I felt more suffocated because I was a non-stop source of energy and those who stood still required more patience that I had.

Now with age I'm more equanimous. I realize that some people will never move very fast or very far, whether mentally, physically or spiritually, and I just accept them for who they are.

But people whom I perceive as stuck and unwilling to move, I don't spend much time with.
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#144354 - 03/12/08 02:19 AM Re: Feeling suffocated..non-exploratory people [Re: meredithbead]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Well actually I believe, to each her own...What works for one may not work for another. No one wants a disability but they happen and change our lives. I try to see the good in each persons dilema or style, even the cronic complainer, them I just ignore after I've finally had enough...too depressing to be around.


Edited by chatty lady (03/12/08 02:20 AM)
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#144355 - 03/12/08 08:42 AM Re: Feeling suffocated..non-exploratory people [Re: chatty lady]
Anno Offline
Member

Registered: 09/15/05
Posts: 4434
Loc: Minneapolis Minnesota
I have always loved exploring and I used to be surprised when people did not feel the same. It never occured to me that a person wouldn't want to see other ways of life.

I have known people who live in a metro suburb and have never been to the city. That amazes me.

I suppose it's all in what makes you happy and comfortable. I am happy with my choice to see the world and others are happy at home. C'est le Vie!
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#144356 - 03/12/08 01:10 PM Re: Feeling suffocated..non-exploratory people [Re: Anno]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
The sad thing is that those who are stuck, depressing, disinterested, etc, probably need us the most.
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Founder Emeritus of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.
www.nabbw.com
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