Ladies,

I really need some help here. I am a first time owner of a home in a small development. (50 Homes) So it is the first time we have had neighbor kids for my son to play with. He has been in heaven! And so have we until....recently.

Our next door neighbors just moved in a few weeks ago and their 8 year old daughter is driving me nuts. My son is six.

This little girl knows everything. She tells me which setting on the hose to set, to water my flowers, I take food off the grill and call Nathan to dinner and she is hinting she wants to come in and eat because she is starving. She tells me when I should fill up the kiddies pool then sets my son up to CONSTANTLY come ask when I am going to do it.

He gets into more mishief with her than any other kid in the neighborhood. And I do not like it much not to mention that I find her difficult to be around.

The kids are playing in the basement, she comes upstairs and announces she doe not want to be in the basement and will hang around in the livng room. 3 guesses where that landed her...Right! Back in the basement.

I am no pushover. Actually, I need some tactful advice as to how to explain to my son what is going on and then to control my dislike for her behavior that is not bad necessarily, just pushy and I don't want my son to pick up on that.

This is also my first summer home as a homemaker so maybe some of you Moms or Grandmoms can help me out.

Our house has been a place where I want the kids to come and they do and they eat, play and eat some more. Most kids are sweet and wonderful and I love to watch them from a distance interact and have fun. But I need to get a handle on this one. Please help!

How have you handled a difficult child in your neighborhood? How did you handle your kids regarding this child?
Lynn

I have no advice, except I think you can empower yourself and Nathan if you use the "We" word a lot. Like taking Nathan's hand and saying something like, "WE really like playing in the basement." And maybe "WE grow our flowers by watering only on Wednesdays or whatever." Seems like that might show her you and Nathan are a unit outside her influence.

Hey, I know nothing. I was young when I had my kids and I have no idea how I raised them. We just grew up together. Ah the bliss of youth.
smile

I have no kids, but I too live in a housing development FULL of children. My hubby LOVES kids and sits outside on the front step chatting with them every evening after supper (while I, the introvert, am on the computer). So most evenings we have about 15 kids hanging around our front lawn. [And note we don't ever allow the kids inside the house (for hubby's safety and my sanity) even to use the bathroom.]

We have our fair share of difficult children here. I know my scenario is completely different from yours because I don't have a child of my own to worry about suffering the repercussions of my actions. But I'll share how I handled it anyway, just in case it gives you any ideas.

After my burn-out and ensuing chronic fatigue, I just couldn't take any more crap from some of these kids, and so would pull them aside, and just tell them right to their faces, as nicely as I could, that I really wanted to enjoy their company but couldn't because they were...take your pick...too pushy - which made me feel inferior, picked on other kids too much - which made me feel threatened too, or too argumentative with me - which made me feel attacked and defensive. Be assured that as a former child care worker, I knew the impact such things could have on a child if not handled properly. So I always made it about ME and how their actions and behaviors were affecting and impacting on ME, so that they knew that it was ME having the problem. And I was very careful to maintain their dignity, not say it in front of other kids, say it honestly and I also always gave them alternative ways to behave around me...e.g. be gentle with me!

IT WORKED. Everytime. The kids responded right away and really made an effort to be less pushy, less aggressive, less argumentative - at least around me - and still treat me with affection and respect. They're much easier to be around now, and they seem to know it - and appreciate the difference - themselves.

I am a firm believer in treating anyone/everyone/kid/adult the way I myself would want to be treated. This has worked well for me in most all situations. You'll notice the word husband isn't there anywhere, oh my!!!

Thanks! I have a couple of different angles to work on here. Both are magnificent.

My other neighbor is feeling the same way so I will share your recommendations and maybe two families can conquer the demon.

More suggestions are welcome because this is not going away unless I change the behavior/situation.
Lynn

This post reminded me of my soon to be moving neighbors! When they first moved here--the husband walked up & down the block looking into yards for kids toys.

He tried to leave his kid off at numerous houses-
took advantage of the couple across the street.

Lynn, you've got some great suggestions here.

I'm sure you've heard of using "I" statements. I think this is the perfect opportunity. It's just like eagle saying it was all about her, not them.

When she is doing things that irritate you, say things like:

-I like it when you kids play in the basement.
-I like watering my flowers on this setting.
-We're eating dinner now and Nathan will be out when we're finished.
You can even say,
-I get irritated when you continue to ask me to fill the pool.

See what I mean? You are teaching her that she doesn't have the control over you, your son, or your home.

There are many difficult children in this world and we have to remember they are probably the ones who need love the most. Just remember that.

It's easy to love easy people. It's harder to love difficult people, but we are called to love all.

I bet speakermom would have some good answers for you.

If anyone needs help in this area it is me....As the parent of a 7b and 4g in a neighborhodd full of kids, I find setting boundries with some of these kids impossible. I want them to feel comfortable, but dont want to come in to find them raiding my pantry as I did today. ARGGGGHHH

Cul De Sac,

Welcome to the forum - the first time I read your reply I thought you were saying you have 7 boys and 4 girls. I was going to congratulate you on having the fullest house! LOL!

Danita

Cul De Sac, welcome. My kids are teens and some of the kids who have been hanging out here raid our cupboards on their own. Crazy thing is, I no longer mind. I like that they feel at home here. I have to tell you though, I was with my oldest when he raided a cabinet at his friend's house. His friend's mom was standing right there and I corrected my son for going through other's cabinets. We got a big laugh because his reply was..."Andrew does it at our house."

FYI: I do think it's disrespectful when they are little. I guess the longer they hang around, the more they can get away with it. They become part of the family. We've considered claiming some of these kids at tax time.

Danita, I did the very same thing. I was thinking...ELEVEN children!