We've managed to work things out to all our mutual satisfaction! When Raul and Amy move out, I'll be moving with them! I get a lot more time to get my feet underneath me instead of splayed out on either side of my butt. It's not an ideal situation, but I will have my own room, the two lovebirds will have their own room, the kids will have their own space partitioned off from an enormous living room, and we will not be crammed up on top of each other like sardines anymore.

The worst part: it's on the second floor of a building. Stairs are problematic for me. However, I'm not going to have to run up and down them all the time, so they will not be a constant hassle. Just an occasional one. Perhaps this is Spirit's way of telling me that parts of my body have healed sufficiently to bear this situation, and I do not need to baby myself as much as before. Or perhaps not. I shall see.

At any event, I will not be left behind in a crap hole apartment in a dangerous neighborhood with no means to survive. That's a good place to start. I will survive, barring heart attacks, accidents or natural disasters.

So now I begin the process of changing my address with everyone, and then a little later, I begin the process of changing back to my maiden name. For the third time. Fortunately, I never dropped it completely, and it's on my Florida I.D. along with my married name.

If I ever, somehow, manage to get married again, and I doubt I will, I am NOT going through this again. Not changing my name, which, believe it or not, can be an arduous process.

But I don't have to worry about being left to fend for myself when I am not in a position to do so, nor will I starve to death, nor will I be alone in an apartment with crumbling walls and peeling paint, at the mercy of the crack fiends and crack dealers living in this very building.

All I have to do is be a good roommate. Play nicely with others. Pitch in whenever possible. Stay on my medication. All of this is not hard to do. I've got another chance to start my life over, in a safe haven. It's the least Raul and Amy can do for me. Also the best they can do. I'll accept it, gratefully.

Now I can concentrate on throwing out extraneous crap that's been laying around, boxing up stuff worth saving, and my slowly emerging writing career.

I'd like to be more joyful about this all. For now, I'm happy just to feel relieved. It's WAY better than feeling I am better off dead, and breaking down sobbing every hour or so.

And I can breathe! I'm not gasping for air all the time, as I've been doing for the past couple of months. I'm calm, and I can breathe!

Brightest Blessings,
Lil