Sometimes I have to give myself permission to feel it - again. In part, it's the grief comes in waves thing, and we can only stand so much at a time. But sometimes the ache wells up again when I least expect it. I have several choices here. One is to push it down. One is to allow it a little space, but not too much because I hate the ache and the pain. And the other - let it emerge fully and deal with it - do what I need to do. Sometimes this can be the hardest one to allow. Who wants to feel the pain, again, and again, and again.

Today, I was feeling it again, and I happened to be exhausted from not enough sleep - a menopausal thing. So I lay down on the couch. Immediatley my two kitties came and lay down with me. One in the crook my body made as I lay on my side. She snuggled in close next to my heart and tummy. The other climbed onto my side. Both of them purred and loved me. It comforted me in a way that was not invasive and required nothing of me that I could not give. They always do that when I need them too - without me asking. Sometimes I think they are the ones who are more advanced.

Vi

[ December 06, 2005, 08:36 PM: Message edited by: Vi ]