Nothing prepares you for this. So many friends had told me how lucky I was to, at the age of 52, still have my parents. No one really had to tell me that, I always felt blessed. My parents live a mile from me and my daughters. When Dad got sick with cancer, I'd been there at dr. appts. with them, I was over for coffee every morning with Dad---he loved his coffee. I fixed dinners for my family and take Mom and Dad plates so they wouldn't have to fuss. I was there during the hospice nurse visits, I was there becuz I wanted to be. I just love my parents to pieces. Now, Dad's gone. And it all just hurts---I got even closer to my folks at the end of his life---and of course, it hurts even more now. The last 3 years since Mom's triple by-pass, we've really worked together as a team.

And,----well, I've got no point, actually.
I just miss him so bad.
And it hurts to see Mom hurting so much now, too.
Don't know what to do, but just keep doing what I've been doing. Be there for her now. Be here for my daughters.
Seems unreal. I just cry sporadically. And sometimes I'm just fine. Then, it hits again.
We knew he was dying, but he was so strong until the 2 days before he died. And even then, once he got up and danced down the hallway---but, he had told me he felt so weak, he was confused, it happened so fast. The day he went in to a wheel chair was the day he lied down for a nap, and died. We thought he'd be with us longer---I had just gone to work 30 minutes earlier, had just stopped and sat outside with him, sipped my coffee---first day he didn't have coffee---and neighbors came over to see him. We had a nice morning chat, I pushed his wheelchair inside the house, hugged him, kissed him on the side of his face that didn't have bandages over the tumor, told him I loved him and told him I'd be by after work----
and got the phone call at work at 8:15 from Mom.
She wasn't sure what was happening---I rushed right over, took me 10 min. to get there. Mom told Dad I was coming---then, he died. I think he wanted to make sure I was there for Mom before he left us.
It's hard to drink coffee now without him.
And I hear his voice when I talk to people, I can anticipate what he'd say---and his thank you's. We were all brought up to be so polite, my Dad appreciated every kindness any of us brought upon him---or complete strangers, even---he appreciated that so much. And he always got something out of every conversation and every person he spoke with. And he loved to converse with people---and there was always something he would gain from each conversation---I always admired him for that. And he always made me smile---I loved his smile, he had such a genuine funny sense of humor and told one heck of a good story.
\
I'm just babbling about my Dad. Just doesn't seem to be a shut off point. I'll close now.