It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news.

Please join us in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.
The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the stomach. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased pan. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker,and the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The gravesite was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew he was kneaded.

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was flled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half baked schemes. Despite being alittle flaky at times he still, as a crusty old man, was considered as a roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough and to children; John Dough and Jane Dough; plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly dad, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.