Kate -
My heart goes out to you. Stay strong girl - you are doing the right thing, even tho it does not feel like it. Your son knows you are the fixer, or maybe the people pleaser. He knows exactly which buttons to push to get to you. I know this because I am a people pleaser myself. About 3 years ago, my 2 older children were asked to pay rent or move out. You would have thought we asked them for a million dollars. They both worked full time. To them we were horrible parents and to this day they still think we were wrong. They just don't get it. I think this younger generation is very self centered and thinks we parents should always take care of them no matter what. Well, there comes a time when we have to put up our boundaries and try to love them enuf to let them go. They need to make their own way and yes their own mistakes. Tough love is extremely hard on us Mom's. I still get very upset that my children are no longer living here. That they think we were so horrible. It hurts. After all the years of nurturing and loving that we gave them, they act like we never cared for them. My son could not even pick up the phone and call us on Thanksgiving. But - I try to tell myself they have to mature and we brought them up to be good loving people, so I pray that someday they will wake up. I just pray I am still here to enjoy it!!! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, Kate. Even tho we cannot be with each other, this community of women is a wonderful, caring environment.

Go to the narcanon (is that correct?) and join the people there. I went to Alanon for many years and had such support, you cannot even imagine. Get yourself a sponsor that can hold you accountable for your actions. This will help you keep it all straight and keep you strong for when your son lays those guilt trips on you. My cousin always says: "Pack your bags, you're goin on a guilt trip!!"
But, please do not be afraid to go to a meeting. I think you will find it truly helps. Ok - I will get off my soapbox now!!