I am so sorry to hear of such discord on the run up to what ought to be a most beautiful event in your lives. Have your daughter and the future son-in-law gone for pre-cana counselling? It might help them to focus on the more the important issues as they seem to be giving more weight to the superficial. At the end of the day, you and your husband can only do the best with what you can and have. If such is not enough, then there really is nothing more you can do but pray that your daughter may be able to see through the attitudes which precedes the wedding and is hopefully able to determine what the future may be like for her.
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