I feel for you Struggling, but please allow me to express how wonderful it is to find someone struggling with similar problems to mine. Especially someone else who is struggling with the staying married despite it all bit.
One of the happiest days of my life was when we picked up our engagement ring. I remember driving home with my hand on the window ledge thinking that the whole world must be blinded by the diamonds and that everyone must be able to see how happy I was. My wedding ring was also full of meaning. I have a blog site where my sad tale is told.
During the early days of knowing, I was in deep depression, and close to throwing myself in front of a truck. I did not do this because I knew that eventually I would make it through and whether we were together or not, I would be OK. I did however give my rings to my daughter (who had unhappily overhead conversations between my husband and his friend and my husband and myself, and who also was used by him to impress his intended girlfriend). I did not want to throw my rings away because once again, I knew that things would eventually be OK, I also did not want the other woman to 'win' (probably not quite the right word but I am struggling to find a more appropriate one) in any way.
I have imagined taking my rings off and asking my husband to give them back to me when he is truly back to me. I believe that Susan is right, Men do think differently.
But you know what, I also believe in some recent sage advise (from this site) that you and I need to really live each moment, not dwell on the past but look forward to all the good things that are now possible. Because my husband did what he did, even though it was horrible, it allowed him to actually share feelings with me, to talk to me and for us to feel somewhat close again. So it was awful, but we are determined to make it good. And you know what, I think because he came so close to loosing us all he has had a rethink - he is much more attentive to the children and involves them in projects etc. We have a long way to go but we are at least on the way there.