Dianne, I'm sorry to hear about your daughter. Perfectionism truly is a deadly killer...but it gets masked by so many other seemingly-unrelated symptoms, that it gets called by every other name in the medical books except what it really is. We stress ourselves to death with this pursuit of something that we can never ever attain...the very nature of the illness itself makes achievement of perfection impossible, because we would never believe we had achieved perfection even if/when we did.

What she needs more than anything is permission to just be. It's a conscious choice, not an easy one by any means in the beginning (because we get addicted to the adrenalin rush), to embrace one's imperfections. The glory of God is us fully alive, not fully perfect...and we're not fully alive if we're killing ourselves chasing after the impossible instead of relaxing into the growth and discovery that we're supposed to be enjoying along the way.

Mistakes aren't proof of our imperfection. They're tools to teach us more about life and love. When we can grasp the lessons and laugh for the sheer joy of learning how to truly live and love each other better, then the journey becomes so much more pleasant and live-able.

I know it seems simplistic, but I'm telling you, it's (giving oneself permission to be imperfectly human) is the only first step out of that never-ending cycle of self-punishment.