I am not defending this child. I am trying to offer possible solutions. It just appears that what you have done for nine years is not working. In fact, the problem appears to be getting worse. Maybe it is time to try something--anything different.

If she has mistreated you from the age of four, maybe she continued to do it because it Worked. She got a reaction. She got you upset. In her silly little girl mind, that's all she wanted. It got her the attention she craves. That's what she's after. If you can't use humor to show that you are unaffected, try something else. Turn away, turn to the arms of your husband, do whatever works, but never let her think she has control of you or the marriage. That's too much responsibility for a 13 yr. old.

If you deprive her of the power of upsetting you she will move on. She'll find friends. She'll get busy with her own life and maybe she will even become a daughter you could care about.

I doubt that she truly wants to break up your marriage, but on some dark level, the power of it is exciting and it gets her the attention she craves. I'm not sure why she craves attention, but kids never seem to get enough. And if you continue to reward her with it, she will continue to torture you.

You are at war for your marriage. Pull out all the stops. Do whatever you must to save it. There are certainly other men, and there are other marriages and being alone is also an option, but all options are flawed and ending a marriage is terribly painful.

As I said, I've been there. I've made a million mistakes and I'm still making them every single day. Perhaps posting is one of them.