Loneliness might as well have been my middle name. Up until recently, it had plagued me for so much of my life. I can distinctly remember struggling with loneliness as early as my pre-teen years. The problem with loneliness is that it sneaks in even when you think you're having fun, like in the middle of a family gathering, or a lively party, or even a wondrously uplifting prayer meeting. For me, there was never any escape. If I could call any one place the closest thing to escape, it would be while I was praying in solitude, but even then, I missed that "patch of God's skin" (sorry to whoever coined that phrase here, I can't remember who to give credit to).

I never had children, despite wanting to adopt dozens of them. And that will probably always hurt. And I didn't meet anyone special until hubby came along in 1991, when I was in my late thirties. My friendship and life with hubby DID ease the miserable weight of loneliness. And when I'm with him, I'm not lonely. But when we're arguing, or he's distracted for long periods of time by work or family issues, the loneliness begins to creep back in. But it's nowhere near the constant companion it used to be.

Even as bad as my grief over losing Mom and Dad ever was, that terrible loneliness never really came back. Is that because of hubby? Because I finally know I'm loved? Or perhaps because I'm growing into a deeper appreciation and enjoyment of my own company and solitude now? I don't know. Maybe a combination of many postive changes I've undergone in the past few years, and most especially in the months since I found this wonderful Boomer Women site.

But I do know all too well the heavy burden of loneliness. Smile, write that book. Let me know if I can help! And Chatty, my heart aches with you...how well I know about being surrounded by hectic busy-ness and yet still feeling left out and lonely. But if it's any consolation, perhaps that experience of loneliness, both your own and in other people you help along your way, helps to make you the wise and vital voice that you are here at this Boomer Bed and Breakfast site!

[ August 27, 2005, 08:42 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]