Cathi, my heart aches with you. Five months is just a blink of the eye in this grief journey...my experience is that we can't even begin to move forward until we've journeyed through all the first "firsts". And even then, every birthday, holiday, special occasions will always bring back memories and that agony of absence...it eases over time, but it's always there, if only lingering like a shadow in the distant recesses of our minds.

The only way is through. Day by day, birthday, Father's Day, holidays...it's essential that we be patient and compassionate with ourselves as we walk through these moments. I'm glad you came here and shared...I too feel my brother's absence...and it's been over two years now. This time of year is one of those triggers for me...a reminder of all that used to be and can never be again. It's not just a letting go of the person, it's a letting go of all of the relationships, the dreams, the traditions, the little things that filled those holidays and occasions just simply by that person being a part of them. There's a void everywhere that person used to be...not just in our hearts and lives, but in the spirit and traditions of the holidays and special moments.

Breathe, my friend. We just have to keep breathing ourselves through these tough patches. You're not traveling alone.