As a child of divorce, I swore I'd never put my own kids through it. The mind games are awful, each parent expecting full loyalty from the children. As a result, at the age of 6, I really felt like i had to be more grown up than my parents, leaving me with a host of issues of my own, including separation anxiety. I'm not static, have come a long way, but your selfish actions as a divorcing parent do terrible things to kids; including leaving them with long term self esteem issues. All I have to do is compare myself to my own sons to see the radical difference.
What not to do:
no comparisons
do not expect children to carry messages to that man you hate.
they don't hate him.
be civil
be civil
if you can, reconcile. For years what i wanted for Christmas was a family with my mother and my father IN IT TOGETHER, as illogical as that was.