I guess that's one of the fears we have if my mother should outlive my father: she might lose herself forever in grief. He is genuinely a good husband to her. Since he is fluently bilingual in Chinese and English he truly is her intermediary to the outside world to understand and express her needs accurately.

I saw it happen to the mother of a close friend. this woman was a university educated woman, warm and intelligent. She was never the same after her husband died... She had Alzheimer's which got progressively worse. My single friend (who had a job over 50 kms. outside of home town) valiantly looked after her deteoriating mother for 3 years before she died.

WHen I hear these stories of a woman's (or man's) identity completely wrapped up in their dead spouse...it's scary but a tremendous lesson to us here, that we need remain/become as strong, separate individuals with our own interests outside of our partner...with a good capacity to live with purpose now and later.