Ladies

I'm sobbing so hard right now...reading your words, hearing your hearts, feeling the "Lift" of your arms raising me up when I feel like I can't go on is the most amazing of gifts. I've spent so much of my life trying to be strong for others that the script to "let go and let God" has been a tough one for me. I've felt I "Had" to be strong, hold up others, be there for others to be an OK person and not be a "taker". To have reached out and be accepted as less than perfect, broken, hurting, and in agony is beyond amazing, simply beyond amazing.

One of these days, maybe I'll learn to surrender first...or not.

I once read a book that talked about "Sarah's Circle" describing how women follow a circular route (as opposed to walking Jacob's ladder) and how we instinctively form circles around others, holding each other up, comforting, supporting, whatever is needed. That is the unique gift of women...to nurture and care for. And I've only recently accepted being female, railing against that "horrible fate" (grin, a lot of damn good that does, eh?) for 50 years. That is one of the things that made this so hard...I had only recently walked through that valley and stepped into acceptance.

Thank you for being my Sarah's Circle. I posted an update in another forum today...not knowing quite sure where to put it.

Short version: he broke down in my arms last night, apologizing for all the pain he had put me through. Your prayers got through, God spoke to his heart. I have no illusions that there are many things to work through and, in some moments, I wonder ...this is the second time for this, will it happen again. Then I catch myself and realize that thinking will not lift us into the vision I carry in my heart.