You know how much I love you, Edelwiess, and have refrained from writing here because I am so partial. I am going to try, however.

I work with parents much like your SIL. They have poor role models for mothers, and often grandmothers. They are not raised to understand good parenting.

Some of the children I work with have one or two positive role models in their lives. They are the luckiest of the lot. They are like A.

Perhaps your son could suggest counceling for your SIL. Maybe marriage or family counseling. At the very least, maybe your son would go to counseling on his own.

I don't know if even you know, if you want to raise A or if your son is ready to raise her on his own. My gut tells me that day will come, when a decision like that must be made. Please consider all the alternatives in advance.

I don't know, I think I am simply rambling. Maybe something here, in my attempt at being impartial, will help.