I sit here on my computer, effortlessly keeping my emotions in check. I received a call about an hour ago. It was one of my siblings, calling to give me the information that my dad is non-responsive. I don't know how many of you have been taking mental notes on me, my family and the B/S that has been going on... and, esp. how hurt I've been through and by it all.
Just let me say, because my heart has hardened, I'm numb (non-responsive, too, in a living way).... but, I'm expecting it to break loose. I will need you when, AND IF, it does. I know you will be there.
Maybe me writing this is my way of dealing... letting the universe know, by sharing with you, how much I don't care - out of my position of despair, being hurt, lack of empathy, hey, and disconnect - that's what I've done, disconnected from family. I am that - alone... a horrible place to be when your father is dying.