Lani, my heart aches for/with you. I lost both parents within two years and my brother-and-best-friend soon after. Very tough grief to get safely through at times. Impossible without others to help us through the rougher patches. IMO, that's what we're here for, to be wounded healers helping each other through to find our life-beyond-the-grief.
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When you don't like a thing, change it.
If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.

(Maya Angelou)