Julie, I've been mulling your post over for days because I've been (and am still sorta floundering) in a very similar situation with my church family.

Reflecting on when this started (several years ago) I was employed by my church. After three years of serving as the part-time Coordinator of Member Care, I chose to leave. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Yeah, try leaving a job in a church where you are, and have been a member for years. I did so as diplomatically as possible.

Our church has been in transition/turmoil for several years and I've witnessed behaviors that franklly shocked me (yet were done in the name of God). Go figure... who am I to judge?

Here's how I've managed to stay above water.

I hunkered down in prayer at my kitchen table with my Bible, journal and any other Christian book I may have been reading at the time. I poured out my soul to my good buddy, Jesus Christ.

I clung to my prayer group who I saw as faithful women.

I was very picky about my involvement at the church, choosing to stay involved with the children because they are so innocent.

I sought spiritual growth outside my own church and found it in other places, and still do.

We continued to go to church as a family because my children and spouse were involved in some areas.

Many dear friends have moved on and we're still hanging in there and healing.

I've had differing emotions about the whole situation. There are times when I'm upset that people have left or are leaving, and there are times when I question why I'm still hanging out.

The most important thing I can tell you is this: In spite of all the turmoil at the church, my faith has grown tremendously because in some ways I've had to go it alone. Hasn't been such a bad thing.

So dear friend, I hope this helps. I'm happy to chat more through e-mail if you would like.

I'm glad your heart is in it and it's important enough that you chose to throw it out to your online neighbors. Sending thoughts and prayers your way.

Oh, we have a new minister who is giving me great hope for positive changes. Yahoo!