Maybe because he's gone so much he doesn't feel the impact of a true seperation. Maybe he's gotten used to being away from you.

I have learned from a lot of experience, to do as you are doing, talk to God about it and hand it over to Him and see what He does with it. Prayer, fasting and working on yourself is all you can do but let go and move yourself out of the way and see what happens. I wouldn't attempt to communicate with him anymore. Sometimes, people only want what they can't have and he betrayed you and it sounds like he transferred it back onto your shoulders. That way, he doesn't have to deal with what he did wrong.

When I was trying to heal from a broken marriage the book A Return to Love by Marrianne Williamson really helped me. I don't have the same beliefs as hers and I completely skipped her chapter on reincarnation but that book really helped me to look at myself in a different way. It sounds like you might be beating up on yourself too much. That will stop the healing more than anything.

I wish you peace in this and all other matters. I'm glad you found us!