Dotsie: All those reasons and more. I could sure use an accountability thing with anybody who is interested. So far, I'm not doing very well with this. Here's my poem (which I am reading every day now). I hope it is helpful to somebody (including myself).

DEVOTION/ILLUSION

I devoted so many years of my life to you
and didn’t think I could live without you.
I would have done anything to be with you
or stopped doing anything to spend time with you.

I would have walked miles,
driven hours,
begged complete strangers just to have a moment with you.

I shared everything with you:
my moments of glory
my times of defeat,
laughter and tears,
success and failure.
There wasn’t anything I kept from you.

You were my greatest strength.
My driving force.
My first thought in the morning…
My last at night.
You sustained me.

Or so I thought.

In reality, you were choking the life out of me
Literally and figuratively.

You were a crutch… something to lean on
until my real strength emerged.

An excuse to be used
until the force of reality
could begin to crush the weakness.

An evil ruler
trying to keep me a prisoner
until your forces could extinguish my life.

You have won many battles…
but you are not as strong as you think.
Although you will continue to be a mighty warrior
deserving of my attention and respect…
I want you to know
that I intend to win the war.


Written by EvilTwin/Judy
July 8, 2003
Third Serious Quit Attempt