I keep thinking about what one of the women here said their granny use to say to them, whose shoes are you wearing? I don't know you, I don't know your hubby, and I certainly don't know what has transpired in your 21 years of marriage, so I won't tell you to divorce him. Besides, that isn't what you asked. You wanted to know what to expect if and when you moved forward.

Expect what you prepare for...by that I mean if you are seriously going to leave, what preparations have you made for your new life? Do you know exactly what your husband makes? If he has any hidden accounts? Where will you live? How will you live? What will be your NEW monthly income and outflow? Can you live off that?

What will you tell your children NOW and later. Cause later will come. I don't care what anybody tries to tell you, the children will be affected. They will have questions, even if they don't voice them. Some suffer in silence and the results of the divorce comes out LATER...much later and can be in the form of rebellion. Are you prepared mentally for this? Have you considered it?

Do you work? Can you take off whenever the children are sick?

Are you parents in good health? What will happen to your job if you have to suddenly become a caregiver?

Taxes...have you talked to an accountant?

Will you have to move? If so, will the children have to change schools? I hope not.

What will you do when your friends chose sides...and trust me, they will.

Do you have multiple cars? Is yours in good working condition or is his a better vehicle? Who pays for them? Can you afford to keep yours? Insurance? Maintenance?

The home...same questions.

Visitations for the children.

Do you have health insurance? If not, what will you do when the children get sick? If you do have health insurance, or if you can MAKE SURE through the divorce that HE continues to carry it, great. But let me tell you something, you need to be prepared (if he becomes bitter) for him to quit his job and have NO insurance. What would you do then?

If you don't hear anything I'm saying here, hear this. When it comes to divorce, people change. They become these people/or this person you don't even know. They get mean, hungry lawyers and they want it all...regardless of the children. This doesn't happen every time, but I feel comfortable in saying it happens more than not.

If you are going forward, prepare yourself. Get records of his income, your assets, his 401K, retirement, and health insurance. GET PROFESSIONAL ADVICE.