sues,
I got divorced when my son was 13. Nobody wins in a divorce.
I met my lst husband in high school. We dated three years.
We were married 14 years. He found someone else; that's the only reason I divorced him. He ran around all the while we were married. But I loved him. The divorce took place in 1980. So, you can see how long ago it was. I still dream about him. And I guess I still love him, in some ways. My son is now grown and has a family of his own, naturally. But from age 13 to 21, that kid suffered. He loved his dad. And he lived with me. He did visit dad and stepmom, however. After he graduated from high school he joined the paratroopers, and came home a whole new person. My second husband has some of the personality traits you describe in your husband.
If you can't stand living with the guy, perhaps divorce is your only option. But I'll tell you straight, it's a hard road of roller coaster emotions. And your kids will have a difficult time, 10 and 13 are stressful ages, without a family breakup. What if you talk to him and tell him your plans? Tell him you're serious. Think it'd help? I don't know! But prayers and blessings, whatever you decide!!!
In those days, they had fault divorces and I got everything:
property, house and contents; the lawyer got the money. Nowadays most states have no fault divorces and everything is split 50/50. But even, if like me, you walk away with it all that doesn't help. Twenty-eight years later, the pain is still raw!