The latest update:

My two sons argued so heftily that the one getting married sent my other son a sms stating he doesn’t want him to come to the wedding.

So now my husband says if he isn’t invited, we aren’t going either.
I agree. So it has escalated…but my oldest son is doing the escalating, not us.

Never ever have I dreamed that this could happen to us. I’m so deeply disappointed in our son. I also feel anger, because none of us including my other son deserves such a treatment. Our family was always very close knit. This behaviour does not fit into our family and how we have always been there for each other. I can’t help but think, (and I know I sound like the mean Mother- in- Law, …but I just don’t have any other explanation), that my soon to be DIL is behind all this.

My son lives with his fiancé’ in a 3 family house; her parents in one apartment, and her grandmother in another. They sit every evening together and just about live like the Brady bunch. So it’s not like we were any competition or trying to take him away.

There is no excuse that my son is allowing himself to be influenced against us. Another thought that comes to mind is that my son has no say at all in his relationship with this woman, and now he is trying to show us that he has control by letting it out on us and acting irrationally. Does this make any sense?

I’m too angry to cry.

Oh, and yes Dotsie, it is unusual for the man to take the bride’s maiden name in Germany as well.
And orchid, those double first names are like double first names in English…like Mary-Lou or Babara-Ann….I have never met anyone hear with a string of last names, but I guess there are always exceptions.
Lola, your suggestion would be the perfect compromise, but my son hates double names, und therefore would rather take on his wife’s name.