Char - I was widowed at 23 and wandered around in a fog for quite awhile. Even after remarrying and having children - there was always that little "nag" inside. Then a few years back we lost our 23 yr old son, and I looked at life (and death) totally differently.

Now I'm probably going to sound like a space cadet - but hey - it works for me

What would you be doing this morning if your husband was still "physically" with you? What advise would you be asking from him today? What do you think he would tell you? He's still listening and he's still right there with you. What you have with your husband can't be interrupted by "death".

All the books I read and Hospice's counselers talk about death like it's the "END" -- but if you believe there's a heaven and you believe that God is watching over you and listening to you, then why is it so hard to believe that our loved ones aren't standing right there next to you too? Supporting you, guiding you, loving you just as much as they were when physically standing right there with you. Why don't we look at death as a NEW BEGINNING?

I miss the physical touch of my son when he hugged me each morning but I still feel his presence everywhere and it makes me smile. I look at the clouds and sunsets and baby birds in a totally different light now. I have an inner peace that I've never known before - because I know that I'm never alone - even when there's no one physically around me. I have to "share" God with everyone else, but my son is always there "just for me"

I believe that our loved ones "beyond" are always trying to reach us - but they can't "break through" any negativity - and grief is one of the strongest negative emotions we will ever experience. It can take us down so deeply that one wonders if we will ever find our way out of the darkness.

So what works for me is --

I get up every morning and walk outside with my dogs and say "Goodmorning Robert" - "What a beautiful day" -- even if its stormy and raining -- it's a beautiful day -- because I know God and my loved ones are watching over me.
I live my life to make them (God and Robert) proud. I try new things - it doesnt matter if I "succeed" at it -- I'm never a failure because I TRIED

I don't have time in my life for saddness and grief anymore. What good does it do? It won't bring my son back and allowing all those dark emotions in my heart won't allow me to "see" and "feel" -- and since that's all I can have until I join up with him in heaven one day - I simply say STOP IT -- MOVE ON when those waves of grief try to roll over me.

Now I realize that we're talking about your spouse, your soul mate, the love of your life -- and not my child, but grief is grief -- and everyone's grief is personal -- so whatever may help -----------

So here's my daily recipe -- you take a little bit of this and a little bit of that -- add a pinch of memories and common sense -- a tsp of silliness -- roll it up and pat it out and while it slowly bakes -- let the relaxing aroma seep deep into your soul ----

Then make this morning the first day of the rest of your life

Carolyn