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It turns out that she was full of cancer. She had stubbornly refused to go get herself checked out, and probably had (and probably knew she had) the cancer for 2-3 years, yet never let on that she was sick or in any discomfort. She was so afraid of losing her independence that she begged me not to take her to the hospital. But I didn't listen to her, and took her in to emergency not even realizing how sick she really was, just wanting to get her checked out because she could barely walk.

Once she was admitted, she deteriorated very quickly. In hindsight, I wish I had listened to her and that we had stayed oblivious to the cancer, because as soon as she got in the hospital, she knew she'd never come back out, and she just gave up...some say it was a blessing in disguise that she went so quickly, but I KNOW she would have preferred to just stay home and enjoy living life at her own pace for whatever time she had left rather than living those last weeks out in that hospital environment.

I don't know what to suggest. On one hand, they do need help, on the other hand, it seems that once they begin to lose their freedom, they seem to give up, and I don't know if that hastens their demise or not...who can know the "what if's" when you can't go back and do it again another way. Certainly, if I could go back, I'd never take my Mom to the hospital, but would just let her live at home and call the in-home care to look after her for as long as possible. Hind sight is always 50-50.

I'm not much help. I like Lola's idea. Try having someone come in on a "trial" basis, for short periods of time, to help around the house. See how that goes, and promise her that if it doesn't work out for her, you'll cancel the visits.

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It would be wise at least, she was either living with you in same building or in a semi-independent facility with her own 1 level suite (with elevator) where there is a nurse on call right there for all the residents.

I'm actually abit squeamish she still drives. Have you watched her drive and where does she tend to go..no more than 10 kms. on quiet roads?

My parents are still on their own together. But can see given personality (espec. mother), how difficult this will become.

My partner's mother ended up in her present nursing home..because she fell in her independent apartment suite and no one knew. My partner was out of town cycling for wks. and I was working full-time in the suburbs. She couldn't get up. She lay there for 2 days. Phone was less than 3 ft. away. Yes, they had to clean up the place....well, you can imagine. Ambulance came etc....

She lost over 10 lbs. Had a minor stroke ...which weakened her even more.

Did she resist going? No, this event probably was the signal for her.

It is a good care facility attached physically to a teaching hospital. 5 kms. away from us.

And Eagle, how frustrating that was when your mother resisted seeing doctor for diagnosis. I don't think it will happen to my parents.....they have absolutely no choice, if they resisted a diagnosis.they have a daughter who is a physician. They listen willingly and carefully to whatever she tells them, as a 2nd opinion. They tend ask alot of questions anyways...since my sister can only explain medical things in English.

Does your mom engage in healthy habits already? If she does, then she cares for her health and MAYBE a tad easier to persuade her for her own safety and health.

I believe my partnter's mother made the transition bit by bit (she went from walking, to walker (after falling and tripping over dog leash with her dog several times. She ended up with bruises on her face. It looked as if someone beat her up)...then to wheelchair.

She did not resist each change..it does help when she was eating and cooking very healthily for about 15 years before she deteroriated alot. She cared about her safety. But she didn't know how to drive. So no worries on that.