I took some deep breaths. Decided that I wouldn´t be good to anyone at home..and went to her. And it was very lucky that I did..she was alone!!! She had been to church and had been very touched by all the wonderful things they said about her husband. Which I am not surprised about..he as a very very good person..perhaps the best i have had the honor and pleasure of knowing..Anyway, we drank alot of wine (they make their own) and yes, smoked alot of cigs..and we talked and talked and laughed and cried..She calls herself Sussi 1 and Sussi 2. Sussi 1 is the one that is breaking apart because her dear one is gone. And Sussi 2 is the one that can laugh and talk sort of normally. I know exactly what she means,, I have been there when my daughter died, many years ago. She said that it was a shame that we weren´t lesbians because she needed that kind of affection now. And the evening..her first without her husband went by. I think I got home around 2am.

I am SO GLAD that I listened to my inner voice and almost the impulses of my body and went to her..otherwise she would have been all alone that night..her first night of many nights to come.

It´s so unfair. It´s so brutal..

Yes, love is love...

Thank you for all your replies and support..I mean this VERY SINCERELY...

I thought it might not be OK to write about such heavy things in this forum..but I have read other mails filled with life´s difficulties and joys..so I suppose it´s ok then..

So thankful that you are here...