Again, its so good to know that what I'm feeling is normal and legitimate. I'm sorry for your loss Searcher but you made me think about something I hadn't considered. I was not concerned about child suppport because frankly why fight for something I know I'm not going to see anyway. Right now I know I can adequately provide for my kids but if something were to happen I need to be prepared; I've had my attorney amend the request for child support. Emotionally, I was the most worried about my teen daughter because she exhibits many of her father's traits and I didn't want her to realize that he has mental problems and wonder if its hereditary. Then I overheard (ok eavesdropped) on a conversation she was having with her friends. She's one smart cookie and knows alot more about what's going on then I've given her credit for. It seems that my genes will prevail.

Foundhervoice, I too was worried about being alone for the rest of my life because of course I too like male companionship. I'm trying to remember that relationships are varied and optional. (from boy-toys to friends-with-benefits to monogamy). Once I close this relationship I'll concentrate on me and then see what's out there. Part of the 2BX mind game is to make us believe that we aren't worthy to be loved and that we were fortunate they even bothered with us.

Word is already out that I'm about to be on the market and I'm already getting offers. At first I thought that my loser male radar was malfunctioning, afterall why would I have married the 2BX? But then I remember 20 years ago when we first met; we were engaged for over 2 years because I wanted to "be sure". I think that the problem was when you're in a new relationship you meet 'the representative'-the person who will do or say anything to close the deal. We were young, didn't start out with alot and we had some differences so we had discussed and planned on what we both would do and expect from each other. Our problem-I upheld my end but all of his was just talk. It's sad that after 15 years nothing he planned ever developed and he had the opportunity and potential. Somewhere along the line it developed into a competition and maybe he felt that he couldn't keep up with me. I thought we were working together for our family. Eventually he stopped trying altogether because he knew I would pick up the pieces. So even time and planning doesn't guarantee a successful relationship.

Well my court date is in a week so enough with my melancholy.

Thanks ladies for the support and posts!