Getting Married in our 50's or later......

Anne, I agree wholeheartedly and its true what they have done, they will do again, good or bad!!! I am always interested in how a man gets on with his mother. My third husband hated his mother and they have never spoken to this day as far as I know. She is 87 like my mother, and lives alone up in Minnesota.

Everything here on the boards is just friendly advice, my words as well, BUT you will be the one to live with your decision etc. so handle it to suit yourself...always!

I agree that the decision is yours and yours alone. All we can do is throw out ideas and thoughts. I understand completely because I do hope my husband would gladly care for me at home if it came to that....but....I can never be 100% sure. In fact, in some cases, it can almost become impossible. My dad cared for my Mom for 8 years in her Alzheimer's. He fed her, bathed her (while getting physically abused), changed her adult briefs and exhausted himself...yet never complained. We were all so concerned for his wellbeing. She went into a coma like state and was sent to the hospital. At that point it was out of his hands. She went to a nursing home and he continued to visit each day and carry on some of the care. Sometimes asking someone to care for you to the end and making them promise becomes a terrible heartache for the caregiver because they "promised" a loved one. In the case of a terminal cancer patient, for instance, it may be more possible with the aid of hospice and visiting nurses services. There are lots of things to think about and project...because none of us can be certain how our lives will play out in the end. A man (or a woman) can be the sweetest, most caring people in the world but may not make a good caregiver or be able to give the care needed emotionally or physically when or if it comes down to that. Just some food for thought.

I'd have to agree that having a history of not helping friends -- ever -- would probably not indicate poor caregiving to a loved one. Or it might not. So much depends on what was asked and what someone felt capable of giving.

What are you doing to make sure that you don't need a caregiver any time soon? And, do you have long term health care insurance?

Well, my only comment about feeling vulnerable to possible male goldiggers....make sure your house is always under your name on the property title, even if he moves in to share a home.

But then, Anne you are at an age, really you probably could enjoy living solo at home...and get to know the guy for a few years. There's no reason for rushing. What for? It certainly isn't the biological fertility clock.

In all honesty, I've only loaned money to my parents and 1-2 siblings. They all paid back. Would I lend to friends, etc.? I mean hundreds or thousands of dollars.

No, I don't. I am actually bewildered by people who do this and then their friendship sours.. Yea, well.

Real friends, never want your money or physical assets. Ever. THey want you safe, healthy, sound in mind and happy.

Yes, I know someone who has no family left. Her father died just 1/2 yr. ago. She is 52-53 yrs old. Yes, she tried to look after her dying father from cancer...he was living in Germany and she in Canada. So she flew over...for several months...several times over past few years.. and dealt with the health care workers, insurance company...Good thing she never lost her German language fluency. SHe is the sort of woman that would immediately tell a money-sucking guy to go somewhere else. Immediately.

Chatty's comment is interesting ie. a guy's relationship with his mom. Depends if the mother/woman is nice person herself. True, I did pay attention to my partner's relationship with his mother. And also to know her myself.
And yes, he always had a good relationship with her. Respectful, calm and open dialogue between the 2 of them.

How a guy interacts with his mother...and his sisters might indicate something. All of us learn good or dysfunctional or avoid dysfunctional relationships....from our birth family.

Anne, I agree 100%. I was made a fool of by trusting a scoundrel who was here only because he wanted to escape from his lousy life in MN. He wanted a woman with a secure income, a home and all the toys. He found one, ME!!! I believed all his lies and suffered for it, Now, as I said in another post my son laughingly calls me Charlock Holmes because I investigate a person till I know how many hairs he has on his a//!!! LOL...I too remain alone due to the lack of trust in anything these guys say. I don't mean to be so innerly angry at men, but I am, and can't seem to get past it...

Anne, I hope you don't feel that I was getting after you in anyway. I would feel terrible. I only tried to address the caregiver part of the situation you spoke of initially. I know lack of trust because I'm remarried and find that though my trust inches up a little at a time, I still don't trust at all. That is probably not fair at all. I left 30 years of marriage after a cheating man (my husband and a minister at that) blindsided me like I can't believe. I rebounded...very, very sad to say that and had some very bad times in my new marriage. It's better now but the lack of trust is still evident, especially in my own heart because I KNOW better than he or anyone else how I truly feel. I am so sorry for you that can't find anyone but golddiggers and cheaters. It's sad that they seem to be so prevalent. I met a few while dating. Please accept my apologies if you felt I was unfair in any way.

If one day, I outlive my honey, I'm not sure if I could easily fall in love with another guy. part of it is the trust thing and also he and I truly are compatible together in many fronts.

For myself personally, it is abit mindboggling how I did trust him at the start and onward.

But keep in mind, Anne, I had recently bought my own home solo...when I met my partner. I chose to live in it and I remained its owner legally for the next 14 years. Of course he and I spent lots of time together at each other's homes. It was alot of healthy cycling between the 2 homes..

On the other hand he had already made up his mind to rent and have his place for his growing children on the days he had them, as part of the child custody arrangements. He had no interest in owning a place with me. Nor would I have wanted share ownership with anyone. I had already budgeted to pay off my home, solo...which I did.

It was Anne, not because of lack of trust, but more of personal pride that I try to finance a home myself.

And for the all the women who are scared and feel they need (deep down) to depend on man financially to survive, there's plenty evidence that one CAN survive financially solo. You just have to plan it.