Emotionally drained

My very well to do son does not call. He changed his cell phone and the only way we speak to him is thru his girlfriend. I am angry and very hurt. I guess I just need comforting words; his father and I never abused him, never had extra marital affairs, did not abuse alcohol or drugs. We did have high expectations and he himself said that if had not gone to a private school, would have ended up in jail. He and I always had a good relationship. He is blaming his father for being too strict. His dad worked long hours in the transportation industry, and I was basically a single mother without the financial burden. Should I just let it play itself out? He knows how we feel, thru his girlfriend.

Welcome Pearls. Would your son consider meeting just with you somewhere neutral? Maybe for coffee at a local donut shop? He could bring along his girlfriend for "moral support" if he feels the need for it.

There's nothing worse than thinking youdid everything you possibly could and still have issues with your kids. I am so sorry to hear this. I havea a feeling he needs some time to chill out.

Pearls, how long has this been going on? How old is he? This may help us a little.

Hang in there. You may want to root around this forum. You'll find other women who are going through similar situations. Please know you aren't alone.

[ September 19, 2005, 11:05 AM: Message edited by: Dotsie ]

This is a part of Bookie's post from the granchildren forum. I had to cut and paste it here so you could see what happened to her.

BOOKIE's Post
My beautiful daughter and I were estranged for a number of years after her father and I divorced. My heart ached...she just did not want me in her life. All I could do is tell her that no matter how she felt about me, I would always love her, she would always be my daughter and I would always be there for her if she ever needed or wanted me. She could never tell me why she felt the way she did, our relationship was broken but because I never knew what I had done that caused her to cast me out, I didn't know how to repair the damage. But then out of the blue everything changed!
I credit my wonderful Son-in-Law for bringing us together again. When he came into her life, she became a different person. Suddenly this sullen unhappy women was reborn and along with this change came a renewal of our mother/daughter relationship.
We talked constantly and planned their wedding and then after they announced her pregnancy three years later, we talked even more. But the ultimate gift of love she has ever given me was when she asked me to be in the delivery room with her to witness the birth of my first grandchild!

Good morning Pearls!

You didn't mention how old your son is?

That may help in determining his "maturity" in how he handles situations.

Teresa :-)

Thank you, dear friends, and that is exactly how I feel because you took the time to "care". That is the biggest step in the healing process. He is not a youngster..in his late 20's. He has cut himself off from the entire family, not just his father and me. If I only knew "why". Perhaps, I am just feeling sorry for myself and need to give my problems to God and trust that He will make everything understandable; bearable. This is just coming at a bad time..my father-in-law is in a nursing facility; my mother is losing her site; my husband is on social security disability; my son and his family arrived from New Orleans last week. They, as well as my daughter-in-law's family lost everything. So putting it all in perspective...it could be worse????? Thank you again!

Pearl,

Jesus wept. It is o.k. to grieve, give yourself permission to do so.

There ARE other hard things going on the world - but not much is harder then a mother with a broken heart.

Many of us have been there - feeling like we did our best -- and it was not enough.

Keep loving that boy - send him cards - tell him you love him. Something is going on inside of HIM and by the Grace of God, someday you'll have him back in your life!

Until then - keep the faith!

motherly hugs,
danita

Pearl...Danita's got it just right...sometimes all you can do is keep loving them, regardless, and pray a lot. I believe the BEST thing we can do for our children, at all times, is pray for them. Whatever's keeping your son away may change over time,as he views things differently or his circumstances change. If you've loved him throughout, he'll know how to find his way back "home". Blessings...S.

[ September 20, 2005, 02:11 PM: Message edited by: Sera ]

Pearl,I just posted my first message and then saw yours--we are in a similar sad, frustrating place. It helps to know we're not alone. How can someone you love so much turn their back on you? You can't help but think of every moment you spent with them from birth to adulthood and now this. Every day I pray for my daughter and I try to give the problem to God. I know He will take care of her. I'm just being selfish because I miss her and I want her back. Best wishes, JPW

Welcome, JPW, good to have you here!

It is not selfish to want to be with someone you love - it IS heartbraking, especially when it's someone who once lived inside of you. I will pray for you and Pearl.

Enjoy the forum...we have a lot of members from Washington!

Thanks for the support Western Bluebird. My daughter called today to ask for financial support without a personal relationship. She has emotional problems herself, that's why she ended up in the eating disorder clinic. We don't know whether to give her money or cut her off as she has cut us off. Still today, even though her topic was money, she did call. JPW1

That's a tough call. I am not that great with "tough love" myself and I would be torn. I hope you and your husband can figure out what's best for her and you.
Peace to you, JPW.