I am so upset and know the advice here is so wonderful so thought I'd post.
I have written before about my drug addicted son. He is currently in jail so thankfully he is safe and off the streets for now.

The problem is my younger two. They have been affected in a huge way with their brothers lifestyle. Now my 15 year old son is going though a huge anger stage and has been for the past two years. Lately it has been getting worse.

He lost his 13 year old friend two years ago, then his grandpa last year and feels the loss of his brother that he never got to know growing up due to his lifestyle. He is also angry that his dad doesn't pay much attention to him as he has another son. His dad has been trying to reach out recently as I have asked him too. He ignored our eldest sons need for attention and look what happened there.

Lately he has been really angry lashing out at every little thing. He has been bullying his sister, kicking her off the computer, pushing her, going in her room without asking etc.
He is mean to her and she thinks he hates her. I think he hates himself.

Over Christmas my daughter went skiing and stayed at a friends ski lodge for a week. She came back on cloud nine. She had some fun and I think this made her living situation even worse.

She has seen her friend every single day since getting back. Her friend sleeps over here and her home life is not good. Parents divorced and her Mom has a new live in boyfriend who she hates.

My problem is this. My daughter gave me a note today. Sometimes we write each other notes when we want to be heard, get something off our chest etc. She says she wants to move with her friend to her Dad's basement. He agreed to fix it up for them. I left him when my youngest two were in diapers as he was an alcoholic and an adulterer. Over the years and many women he finally settled down and has been with the same woman for 7 years. They had another child who is six. Their household has it's problems but he has changed somewhat.

Although he has changed somewhat he does not have very good parenting skills and would let my daughter have much more freedom than I would, much more. No rules basically.

I am feeling like I always get left with the problem kids. The Dad wants the easy ones as he can't handle the boys. He wants my daughter to move in. Why doesn't he have our son move in as he is the one having problems and needs his attention more. When I shared with him that I'm having problems with our son, he said tell him to move out. That's his answer.

My daughter says her room here is too small and messy. You can't even get into her room as there are clothes and junk everywhere. Well that is her fault. I can understand her being upset with her brother but this has caught me off guard. She is 16, 17 in a month.

She says it's not because of me and that I am the best Mom in the world. Says she will visit every day etc. which of course she won't. I was hurt at first but understand her need for freedom, I wanted to be on my own at her age too but that is so unrealistic. Her Dad I feel just wants to be the good guy and is not using his head.

I am at a loss as to what to do with my son. I have no support from his Dad and now my daughter wants out. I'm so upset.

I think it would be a mistake but understand how she feels as I want to run away too some days. My son makes living so hard.

I think I should get a family counsellor involved with all of us, her Dad, my son and daughter and see what they can come up with as I am too close to the situation.

Any ideas would sure be helpful. I'm in panic mode.
thanks,
kate