my parents

This weekend was the one year anniversary of my parents' deaths. I lost my father, my hero, and March 13, 2008, and I lost my mother, my best friend, 2 days later on March 15, 2008. There was no accident involved. My father simply didn't wish to live with his sweetheart and life's partner in a dementia ward. Without him willing her to live, my mother lost her 5-year battle with spiraling physical and cognitive losses. While the sadness is still overwhelming, I know that I was blessed to have them into my 50's. I miss them every moment.

On February 4th, 2009, (2 weeks ago) I underwent hip replacement surgery. The combination of being temporarily disabled coupled with the one-year anniversary of my parents' deaths was nearly too much to bear. I am trying to cope now by writing the story of my parents' lives and romance. My father's love for my mother was truly legendary. I'm wondering if anyone can shed some light on how to go about this task.

Barbara, welcome to our neighborhood. You've found a wonderful group of women who will welcome you with open arms and share stories - both good and bad - with insight on how to get through the tough times.

I hope we can get to you well!

Kathy

Barbara - your story sound very much like mine. My dad died in March of 2005 (as yours, just tired out at 91 years of age.) Mother followed in August of 2005. She had been declining with Alzheimer's for many years and to add insult to that, she had a stroke in Oct. of 2004. I think the stress of having to have 24 hour care in the home for her really wore my Dad out. Mother never really was told that the love of her live was gone - she wouldn't have been able to process it anyway. She would call for him one moment - usually she was told that Dad was taking a nap. Then she would not think of him for days. She lived to see her 90th birthday - but passed just shy of what would have been their 65th anniversary.

It was a blessing that they went 'together.' That's what I had to keep my focus on. I had also lost my only sibling in 1991 and per my folks wishes, we had a celebration of all of their lives as we sprinkled their ashes in the river that flowed in front of their beloved home. We toasted them with a brandy from my folks last bottle - in old snifters that they used.

Theirs was a true love affair which was of the stuff that movies are made of. In fact, during the long days after Mother's stroke, the caregivers and I all read 'The Notebook' and found it amazing how much the novel mirrored life for my folks.

Just hang on - and remember the good times. They are off on a new adventure together. I still have an empty hole in my life - the holidays are a bear - but, the circle of life goes on, whether we like it or not. They are always here in spirit - I see my Mom every day when I look in the mirror. I look more like her every day. I wink at 'her' and tell her I love her - and I think she is very much still with me.

You should write that book. I thought of doing the same, but, I'm no writer. We need all the love stories that we can get these days. Keep your chin up - it will get easier.

Thank you for your kind words...I know the memories of my parents will become less painful and more comforting as time goes on. The loss is still fresh. I have my father's favorite recliner chair in my office. I try to sit in his chair for at least 10 minutes a day and feel his warmth and support.

I was sheltered by time. My last previous loss was that of my grandfather in 1985. My daughter was 10 days old when he passed. My sadness at losing my grandfather was more than compensated for by the birth of my daughter.

I am looking for ways to balance the loss of my parents'. Writing their story is one way that might work.

I'm just seeing this. Barbara, are you journaling at this point, or are you writing your book? Do you know about the NAtional Association of Women Writers. www.naww.org. I htink that's the site.

I'm sorry to hear of the loss of both parents so close to one another. It surely sounds life changing. Bless you.

How's the hip recovery coming along? I've had a couple knee surgeries, followed by physical therapy. I'm guessing you're in PT now?

browser. I read that book and thinks it's beautiful that it reminded you of your parents relationship. How lovely to have had them as role models.

I would love to see Barbara again. Anyone seen or heard from her?