I lost my MIL 9 years ago, grandma 5 years ago, my dad 3 years ago, and a few others not so close to me as well over this time. On Monday, my best friend's brother passed away suddenly. He was 54 and had led a tormented life, including sexuality issues, addiction to painkillers, asthma, heart problems and depression.

I went to be with Heidi on Monday, spent the night and came home yesterday afternoon. Jim wanted to be cremated, so they will take their time planning a memorial service for him.

Here's my question. How do you deal with the death of someone? I have a very difficult time showing my emotions; I almost feel like I have to force myself to cry so that people won't think I'm a cold, heartless person.

Usually I cry a little at first, and then I go into action mode. I can't sit around and cry and worry, or whatever. I have to be doing something. Then anywhere from 2-6 months later I break down and let it all out. Really not sure why I respond this way, but it's the same with nearly everyone I've lost. The closer the person (like my dad) the more I cry, such as at the service, but it's never as much as others, or as often as others.

I know it's not wrong to be this way, I just feel different. Is there anyone else out there like me?