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#101903 - 01/06/07 11:21 PM
husband's become fathers
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Registered: 11/24/06
Posts: 2930
Loc: Belfast/Northern Ireland
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i not quite sure how to fraze this, bear with me eh!
you chosen your boyfrends out of attraction or their nature or something posotive.
They then become husbands (sometimes) why did you chose them as husbands was it the same reasons that you chose them for boyfrends, or is the husband material diffrent from just boyfrend .....
Did their potencial abilities to be fathers or certine types of fathers come into chosing them as husbands?
celtic_flame
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"Our attitude either gets in the way or creates a way," Sam Glenn
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#101904 - 01/06/07 11:27 PM
Re: husband's become fathers
[Re: celtic_flame]
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Registered: 11/24/06
Posts: 2930
Loc: Belfast/Northern Ireland
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opps forgot the "would you marrie the same man again" still going strong but i was just thinking the above question might be a bit silly but i was chatting to a ladie who said she chose her husband couse as a boyfrend she thought he be a really good provider for her future kids.....
Dose the or is the provider bit really important in off itself .... or dose his qualities and how he might be about kids come into the picture....(hannilore made a great point about this)
i might be really just a wee nosey person but i love to know some of the reasons that you chose your boyfrends to be husbands....Over and above loveing them
celtic_flame
_________________________
"Our attitude either gets in the way or creates a way," Sam Glenn
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#101905 - 01/06/07 11:31 PM
Re: husband's become fathers
[Re: celtic_flame]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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By the time he and I met, neither hubby or I were able to have children (he had two grown children from a previous marriage), so "fatherhood" never entered the picture for us. I was 36 when we met, I'd been living on my own for 18 years, dated a few guys along the way, but what made hubby different was that I simply couldn't live without him. I tried, believe me I tried. But it was clear that he was (to sound terribly cliche) my other half, soulmate, the best thing that ever happened and the answer to every prayer I'd ever prayed for a life-partner.
There have been days when I've kicked myself in the butt - you know, the old "watch what you pray for, you might actually get it" thing. But most of the time I'm sure I made the right choice, and that he's my one-and-only - still my other half, but I'm definitely the BETTER HALF (LOL).
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#101906 - 01/06/07 11:58 PM
Re: husband's become fathers
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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journeyman
Registered: 08/16/06
Posts: 319
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Early in our dating, I was really impressed by my future husband's character - how he treated other people besides myself. I saw that he was very responsible and caring for his widowed mother. I saw that he was compassionate. I saw that he didn't argue often or easily, and that he was often a mediator between other people. Those things impressed me a lot, even beyond how he was funny and cute and sexy. So his character and values as a whole were evident and important to me within the first few weeks and months of our relationship. And I was only 18 at the time! But I knew already what mattered.
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#101907 - 01/07/07 12:00 AM
Re: husband's become fathers
[Re: dejavu]
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journeyman
Registered: 08/16/06
Posts: 319
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PS I didn't know at the time if he would be a good provider, but I knew he was the type of person to work hard and be financially responsible. He already was, even while he was still in college (he was 21 when we met).
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#101909 - 01/07/07 08:56 PM
Re: husband's become fathers
[Re: Edelweiss]
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Writer
Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
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I love the question Celtic....I also want to say to Hannelore and Dejavu, sounds like you two hit the husband jackpot...I married #1 husband at age 18, he was 21 and I was in lust/love with him. I never thought any further than what a good kisser he was and fabulous dancer. He would of been a good provider, I believe had he had the chance. He was however all thumbs, not a good thing....
Husband #2, I married because he was older, good looking, settled down, adored my son and me and was loaded. He was also all thumbs, but could afford to hire someone else to do what needed to be done...
I changed my expectations from age 18 to not caring about the serious stuff, provider and father...To when age 26 being very serious about wanting as good provider and father...
I don't count #3, the lying, jackass, user good for nothing....
Both my good husbands having died all I want is someone who is sweet, honest, likes to laugh and relax, is handy or wealthy or both. I'd much rather stay alone then struggle with paying bills with someone....
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#101910 - 01/08/07 01:39 PM
Re: husband's become fathers
[Re: chatty lady]
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journeyman
Registered: 08/16/06
Posts: 319
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Hannelore, I've been married 31 years, 32 next month.
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#101911 - 01/08/07 01:41 PM
Re: husband's become fathers
[Re: dejavu]
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journeyman
Registered: 08/16/06
Posts: 319
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I think one of the things that really affected me during the time we dated was watching two close friends going through marriage problems already even though they'd only been married a year or two. It did make me think about things like having the same values. I think that's crucial for a relationship to work. And yes, I did hit the jackpot!
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#101912 - 01/08/07 06:50 PM
Re: husband's become fathers
[Re: dejavu]
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Queen of Shoes
Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
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What impressed me was while we were in his car, he'd put the car phone on speaker to check his messages. Nothing to hide like so many before him.
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If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice. www.eadv.netBoomer Queen of Shoes
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#101915 - 01/09/07 10:45 AM
Re: husband's become fathers
[Re: meredithbead]
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Registered: 11/24/06
Posts: 2930
Loc: Belfast/Northern Ireland
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i am just identifying with the ladies that married more than once and the priorities changing with the diffrering age. i think i have dun that or it's my life situasion changes so that direct's my priorities...hmmmmmm
I also dune something totally out of caricter and pretty awafull yep sad to say i grow up lol AND got realistick baaa haumbug no longer 16 and it show's on second thoughts I am pretty glade it shows i aint 16 (in my mind the rest a diffrent story, but who cares)
I don't know if i been married if i would of stayed with those long term relashionships. I had a lot of life changes and wonder if it be too much to ask those partners to grow with me and in the same direction or at lest so that we have some common ground.
I ponderring that if your married young (ishy) that one of the things that makes it succesfull in later life is that they grow along the same type of lines as life situasions and circumstances require, I don't know.....
what makes it succesfull over and above them being just great for you......
celtic_flame oh we having internet problems at my house. i am at po's but we not heer often and i only got half hour so typing like mad.
i miss you all celtic_flame
_________________________
"Our attitude either gets in the way or creates a way," Sam Glenn
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#101919 - 01/09/07 07:18 PM
Re: husband's become fathers
[Re: Vicki M. Taylor]
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Member
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
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I chose my ex over the rest because he was an exemplary man. A good man. A very, very good man who was deeply spiritual. I knew from the onset that he would be a good father by the way he was with people. And, I was right to have thought that because his paternal instincts were second to none. He was a good husband and a good father and no doubt, would have continued to be so were it not for an alternative vocation which he has chosen to live the rest of his life. His bond with our children could be measured by the affection with which he is continually referred to and held in their hearts. Although initially, they could not understand choices and decisions which were made and excluded us, they do not begrudge nor reproach him for that. My ex was a hands-on father and was the balance to my strict parenting skills.
I don't think that I ever considered whether he would be a good provider. We were both working when we got married so it followed that responsibilities would be shared. We never squabbled over finances and respected each others efforts and contribution.
I dread to think what my married life or shared parenthood would have been if I had chosen another man. I have met the other beaus and their wives and I have always come away thinking that I was glad to have chosen the right man despite ending up a divorcee. And I can honestly say that despite the divorce, my married life was a happy and a good one.
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