Well, I'm writing another one off. I still like him, and will still see him, but I'm putting it in "his" lap now. We've had a long distance thing going for a few months and getting together is starting to be a hassle (I seem to care about it a lot more than he does). But he's wanting to go on vacation together (go figure). I was excited about that to begin with, but thought about saying "screw it, if you don't have time for me any other time, I don't think so."

I planned it though, and it's going to be a fun week. It's been a long time since he's been anywhere (he never has anybody to travel with), but I travel often. It might turn things around if we have some real quality time together away from work and home. Or it might not. I don't see a downside either way. Mentally, this morning, I let it go. If somebody else interesting shows up, I won't turn down the chance to move on.

I just wanted to whine for a minute. As always, thanks for listening!

Whirlwind

Whirlwind, I firmly believe a person's actions speak for themselves. I don't like gaps. Where did you plan your vacation?

Yeah, I don't like them either. I can see every 2-3 weeks, we're both busy people. But a month (or more) in between? What's the point?

We're going to California, drive the Pacific coast highway, stop at B&B's along the way. That sort of thing.

Whirlwind

Well you should know for certain after a vacation like that, no pressure or interruptions Whirlwind. Good luck and I hope the outcome is all good....

Thanks Chatty. It will be good, no matter how it turns out.

The more I learn about the male species, the more I wonder why I even try.

Whirlwind

Whirlwind, to everything there is a season and every sister there is a partner. Seek and you shall find...

I certainly feel for your situation. I had a long-distance relationship when I lived in Germany. He lived in California and flew to Germany twice a year for 3 months at a time...while we were together it was awesome...and after a year and a half of this I knew we'd eventually marry. Weeeeeellllllll, after two and a half years I had come to a cross roads...renew my contract to stay in Europe or move to California to be with Doug. We talked on the phone about this and he began hemming and hawing...I finally made his decision for him. I told him I'd spent 2.5 years of my life with him seeing where this would go...it wasn't going so I was out of there. Hurt? yes. Break my heart? yes. Take awhile to get over him? yes. Die from it? Hardly.
In the end 8 months later he flew back over begging me to marry him...in fact he asked me twice. By then I'd begun dating a very nice German lawyer and when Doug found that out, he became more determined to put a ring on my finger. He approached me again...that's when the subject of his 'mommie' came up. She'd always been in the background...Doug needing her approval, not being able to make decisions without her involvement...and finally, the truth came out. He'd backed away from me because of his mom. To her I was not what she wanted in a daughter-in-law because: I wasn't Catholic, I could not give her a grandchild (I'd had a hystorectomy), I was not younger than Doug, I'd been divorced before....on and on and on. I asked Doug that if he always allows her to dictate to him how to run his life, how would it be different with me in the picture? I knew how it would be...she'd always be in the picture telling 'us' what to do and I didn't want that...so I told him thanks but no thanks.
Here we are 12 years later...he's still not married (hmmmm...I wonder why?). After a time we did manage to stay friends via email/phone, but I've never seen him again since our official breakup 12 years ago. The last time he called me was about 8 months ago...still not married, still needing to be just friends. Five years ago I found a wonderful man who loves me and loves and respects his Mother but doesn't let her run his life...or mine...and when Doug's calls started becoming more frequest, I told Doug that he really needed to stop calling. He never said anything or acted like he wanted to rekindle anything, especially since he knew I was happily married, but it still made me and Larry feel uncomfortable. Doug is a wonderful man and if he'd ever get over needing the approval of his parents he'd make some woman a really good husband...until then he's going nowhere with his personal life. And that's sad. His mother did a number on him and it's affected his whole life.
Whirlwind, I guess what I'm trying to say is if it's meant to be it will be, but don't waste your time if you truly know in your heart it isn't going to work. There's someone out there for you if you keep looking...but, you have to know when to let go both physically and emotionally so you can begin a new journey towards finding the person you are meant to be with. When a man chooses to spend less and less time with you, he's telling you something.

Going in to the trip with no expectations will allow it to be a good one. I think the trip will be telling. When are you going? It sounds lovely.

Thanks Dee, good story and good lessons.

The long distance guy is coming next weekend. We'll have a good time, but I've pretty much mentally let that one go. Unless things change drastically, he's going to end up being like someone else I had a long-term relationship with. And Dotsie, if the trip happens we're going to tour the California coast. I've sort of lost interest in it, gonna put it in his lap to finish the planning.

At the beginning of last year I did the "let's just be friends" with a guy I'd been seeing for 7+ years. Like you Dee, it didn't kill me, but it did hurt. We have been able to maintain a friendship (probably because neither of us have found anyone else).

I did love him in the beginning. But after so much time went by, those feelings changed.

Now, I'm not sure I ever want to marry again. Truthfully, the longer I'm alone, deep down, I know I probably don't. But just because you aren't married doesn't mean you can't have special "couple stuff" (example: like celebrating an anniversary, of first date, years together, whatever), and having a little romance in your life. I knew there would never be any romance at all with the long-term guy I broke up with, because he wasn't like that. He was good to me, don't get me wrong. But he told me long ago "I'll never give you flowers." He gave me a cuff bracelet years ago, and I was thrilled. Until he told me it was given to him by an old girlfriend and didn't fit him anymore. Then he wondered why I never wore it.

Seems the ones I meet here are all "un" or "under" employed, with tons of baggage (major financial problems, living with family, yadda yadda), or they just want to "play."

Life is interesting. We are definately the stronger sex! LOL....

Whirlwind

Sounds like a good thing, to let him finish up the planning if the trip has the same special meaning you wish he could have in terms of effort.

Life is strange...there can be some good surprises of someone special that hasn't been noticeable immediately. But aside from men, what things/passions Whirlwind do you pursue/plan to pursue now?