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#86149 - 08/25/06 05:28 AM
Re: Dropping like flies
[Re: Edelweiss]
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journeyman
Registered: 08/16/06
Posts: 319
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My youngest daughter left for college early due to marching band practice. Tonight will be her first night home in 2 weeks, and she's staying the weekend. I'm so glad her school is only 90 miles away.
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#86150 - 08/25/06 09:03 AM
Re: Dropping like flies
[Re: dejavu]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Dotsie, Having no children to leave home, I probably have no way to truly commiserate here. I know it's a bombardment of loss for you, and I can only imagine the pain of feeling those threads of connection stretching farther and farther away from you.
I do have one niece who has been an integral part of my life for the past 18 years. We're very close. As we keep having to postpone this year's family reunion becaue of my brother's cancer, she's just informed us that this year will be her LAST family reunion for awhile. When she finishes high school in June, she's planning on going to China for a few weeks and then to Africa indefinitely to do some missionary work (through her church's missionary agency.) The thought of not having her around at family gatherings and Christmases anymore just rips at my heart! So I have a small inkling of how this empty-nesting feels, albeit at a much smaller scale than a Mother.
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#86151 - 08/25/06 02:39 PM
Re: Dropping like flies
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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Member
Registered: 12/30/05
Posts: 3027
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All will be well.. Mountain Ash
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#86152 - 08/25/06 03:11 PM
Re: Dropping like flies
[Re: Mountain Ash]
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Member
Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 2560
Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
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I've never had one leave for college but two of my sons have moved out. My 21 yr. old lives about 85 miles from us and our 18 year old lives here in town, about 12 miles away. But he is moving to NC on monday! I'm trying so hard not to be devastated and I'm doing a good job so far. I keep telling him that nothing in life is permanent and anytime he wants to come back, he is welcome.
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#86155 - 08/26/06 08:32 AM
Re: Dropping like flies
[Re: chatty lady]
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Member
Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 2560
Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
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Absolutely, Chatty...and better than losing them in a car accident, like the boys in my town.
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#86157 - 08/26/06 09:43 PM
Re: Dropping like flies
[Re: chatty lady]
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Member
Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
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Or soaring like eagles.
Eagle mothers begin removing all the soft grasses from the nest as the eaglettes grow so they will have to rest on the thorns and sticks and will fly away when the time is right. The Eagles know their offspring must leave the nest to fly or they will never soar.
smile
Edited by smilinize (08/26/06 09:44 PM)
_________________________
Original plays and musicals for groups and events. [url=http://historytheater.org/index.html]
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#86158 - 08/27/06 08:01 AM
Re: Dropping like flies
[Re: smilinize]
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Member
Registered: 11/28/02
Posts: 887
Loc: SW Florida
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There's that "glass half full" attitude I know and love so much Today is the anniversary of Robert leaving us - and what is it about North Carolina that keeps calling to our kids !!! (my son, DIL and grandbeauty just moved to Charleston) so here's a (((((((( GROUP HUG )))))))) We have to look at this as we did everything else -- its just another chapter in OUR book of life
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#86160 - 08/27/06 05:45 PM
Re: Dropping like flies
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Member
Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 2560
Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
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(((HUGS))) lion. Did Robert "visit" today? My son is moving to NC tomorrow! Not far from Winston-Salem.
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#86161 - 08/27/06 07:07 PM
Re: Dropping like flies
[Re: Bluebird]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Lion, you've been in my heart all day. I saw lots of butterflies today, many of them yellow in fact, albeit on clothes in the store while shopping with our 5-yr-old granddaughter (it was raining very heavily outside, so it was an indoor day today), and they all reminded me of Robert and you...
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#86163 - 08/28/06 06:10 PM
Re: Dropping like flies
[Re: meredithbead]
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Member
Registered: 11/28/02
Posts: 887
Loc: SW Florida
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((( thanks ladies ))) I didn't mean to turn the thread towards me -- just realizing that sometimes we can expect our kids will move on and sometimes we can't -- but it doesnt make it easier to let them go either way and all we can do is shake ourselves off and head off on a new adventure I think it's a little easier for me to let Travis go because I watch him growing as a father and husband and I watch the way we raised him being carried on with his child but a child going off to college is perhaps a little harder because in our hearts and minds - their still "kids in school" - plus they come home every once in awhile and you get used to them being "back" and then they up and leave you again - making you go all through the emotions again but I truly appreciate your thoughts being with me and I'm so happy you can share butterflies with me
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#86164 - 08/28/06 06:46 PM
Re: Dropping like flies
[Re: lionspaaw]
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Member
Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 2560
Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
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Well my son, Anthony, left this afternoon for Winston-Salem. He's 18 and he's one of those "never show any emotion" kind of tough guys (but he is a sweetheart and I know he cares, even if he doesn't say so). Well he hugged me for a long time and I was crying, and I'm pretty sure he had tears in his eyes, too. I told him I loved him and even when I let go, he pulled me back to hug me some more. I'm crying as I type here, not because I don't think he'll be all right, but because he IS growing up. He knows he is always welcome to come back. Sometimes teens don't realize how important their families are until it's time to leave them...
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#86166 - 08/28/06 08:45 PM
Re: Dropping like flies
[Re: chatty lady]
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Member
Registered: 11/28/02
Posts: 887
Loc: SW Florida
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Bluebird - my son moved to North Carolina about a month ago now -- they gave me about 2 weeks notice that they were leaving and that they weren't planning on letting my 3 yr old grandbeauty stay here with me I kept telling them that I couldn't deal with saying goodbye -- that there was no way I could watch them just drive away from me - they were just going to have to put up with me coming over and staying awhile (like we usually did on Sunday) and then I'd leave as if nothing was going to be different -- and I did pretty good -- until my daughter-in-law walked out to the car with my grandbeauty and starting crying as she hugged me -- well needless to say I lost it and I fight back the tears every time I think about it still - afterall - this was my "baby" and he was leaving me BY CHOICE but like chatty said -- we've given them all the tools they need to grow into men and they can leave knowing they are loved and always have a home -- we can't do much more than that (((((( HUGS ))))))
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#86167 - 08/29/06 03:51 AM
Re: Dropping like flies
[Re: lionspaaw]
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Member
Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 4136
Loc: American living in Europe
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Lionspaw, your post was so heart wrenchingly honest. Just want to say how I feel with you.
Actually, I did the same thing to my Mom, by moving to Germany. When I think back, I'm so grateful to her that she made it so easy for me, without laying any guilt trip on me. I guess that's one last big present, but valuable present, a parent can give their child when they leave and live their independent lives. Easier said then done, I know, and I have yet to follow my own advice when my son comes to say good-bye. My Mom took a real-estate course when I left. I guess that was to fill the gap as well. Hopefully you have the opportunity to stay busy and distract yourself. Lionspaw, I wish you from the bottom of my heart, lots of new found energy and the opportunity to fill that gap with wonderful new discoveries.
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#86169 - 08/29/06 10:02 AM
Re: Dropping like flies
[Re: lionspaaw]
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Queen of Shoes
Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
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I loved your butterfly story. I wonder why so many of us see them after a loved one has passed. My aunt told me that if she could, she would come back and visit my sister and I in the form of a butterfly. We both had lingering butterflies on the same day!
All of my kids live far away and it's sad at times. We stay in touch by phone but it isn't the same. I really miss them. My arms start aching to hold them.
_________________________
If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice. www.eadv.netBoomer Queen of Shoes
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#86175 - 09/12/06 11:39 AM
Re: Dropping like flies
[Re: chatty lady]
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Member
Registered: 06/30/05
Posts: 383
Loc: Illinois
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You know I didn't have a hard time when we moved my son away for college. I worked very hard not be positive and not clingy with him. I packed up some of my dishes and towels, etc so he would have plenty, I emptied my pantry and freezer so he would go hungry while he got situated.
But I admit that with each passing month it grows harder. I don't know if its because I was dealing with all the other issues of divorce etc when my son moved and so I am just now dealing with the 'empty nest'. But it just keeps getting harder.
He doesn't call just to talk anymore. I may call and leave several messages before he calls me back. Where once he would share what was going on in his life he shares less and less. I feel like each conversation is like pulling teeth and I get off the phone feeling very empty and frustrated. Our relationship should be blossoming on a whole new level yet I fear it's actually dying a slow and painful death. I try to keep my calls upbeat and light and I haven't asked/manipulated him with come home and fix this, etc. And I've noticed when he comes to see me, he always has someone on tow--almost like he needs a buffer--am I crazy?
Am I wrong, is this how anyone else feels? My secret fear is that my ex-husband so damaged us through the years that I will also loose my only child because of him.
Please insight anyone.....
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#86176 - 09/12/06 11:51 AM
Re: Dropping like flies
[Re: starting over]
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Member
Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 2560
Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
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starting over, it could just be that your son needs some mental and emotional space to deal with the break up. The "buffer" could be there because your son is afraid to become emotional in front of you..the buffer would keep things more casual, less intense. Have the two of you had a good, long talk about the divorce and how you each feel about it? Maybe he's in love with someone and is fighting it because he sees the hurt that come from it. I've never had kids go off to college but the other women could probably tell you that the kids are torn between the excitement of becoming independent and the fear of becoming independent. I don't think you will lose your son. He may just pull away for awhile. Let him know that you are always there for him, when he's ready to "come back". Give him a hug and here's one for you (((HUG)))
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#86177 - 09/12/06 01:54 PM
Re: Dropping like flies
[Re: Bluebird]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Starting Over, I don't have children so never had to send one away to college - but there are other people's children in my life who I've known since they were babies and who are now in university/college. The same sort of thing is happening with them, and the common denominator seems to be an overwhelming combination of homework and social activities that they're involved in - they simply have no time leftover for anything else. One young friend of ours almost dropped out after only a few weeks last year because she couldn't get into the rhythm of juggling classes, the mounds of homework/reading, a part-time job, social activities in the dorm AND trying to placate her Mom who called almost every day. She finally did work out some kind of balance but went through the entire year feeling like she was constantly falling behind in everything.
I think if it's your son's first year, some of that might be true for him too...a whole new world of juggling responsibilities and demands. He just might need time and space to figure out the juggling act.
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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