Bless your loving, sharing, caring heart. He is lucky to have someone that really cares about him and actively includes him in their life and celebrations. I mean that sincerely...

Chatty, prior to Thanksgiving I hadn't seen or heard from him since I was about 19 or 20. With my parents and older brother in Florida having him here will be like having a family member present.

I do have a younger brother who is married with two grown daughters and a grandson. He lives on the east side. His wife who is also Italian like us is very clannish with her parents, sisters and their families. I hardly ever see him. He's always "busy." Ho-hum, okay, I gotcha.

Smile, I was reading a paper that describes a funcitonal family versus a dysfuncitonal one. I think I'll get a copy and post it here. Anyway, one of the differences is the secrets held in the dysfunctional family. The fact that your family is open and accepting of each others' faults and foibles is a healthy attitude. The truly dysfunctional family lives in denial and oppression, is manipulative, pits people against each other, and sends the scapegoat to the psych ward! So I applaud your multi case neurosis and your willing humor. Personally, I prefer a spa experience for a retreat. Massage anyone?

Daisy, I'm sorry to hear that your father was an alcoholic. The secret alcoholic really could make a family feel abnormal and different.

Browser, I'm sorry to hear of your troubles with alcohol and your family. Your MIL sounds malicious. I go to Unity. I like the burning bowl ceremony.

smile, your family sounds fun. Keep making memories this season.

bluebird, I've never heard the term "change back." I have to remember that. I find it pitiful that people don't appreciate personal growth. It's probably due to jealousy.

browser, my heart lifted when you said you were going to church. I pray it was a great experience that may get you there more often. The burning bowl is something all of us could use. Love the symbolism.

browser, glad to hear your son's medication is working. I'm praying the doctor's are getting it right this time. Sometimes the right combination of drugs can make all the difference in the world. Let's pray he continues to take them and realizes they help him.

For those of you who have experienced rejection or criticism when you've changed for the good (which dysfunctional, especially alcoholic/addicted family members detest...hate being left behind!), I'd like to share the yardstick I use in my practice (as a psychologist with a focus on midlife issues for women).

When a woman's family starts complaining about the changes she's made, that's the beginning. But when the angry husband or mother tries to contact me directly to ask what the hell I'm telling their wife or daughter...then I know that woman is making tremendous changes for the good. And, not to worry...because of confidentiality, I never talk to that other family member...just listen to their angry messages with a smile on my lips. I tell women to take the criticism as a badge of honor.

For more on depression visit Dotsie's sister site (NABBW) and see my first column as the newly appointed Mental Health Advisor. I'll look forward to sharing more in these forums and there.

And check out my Doctor Flamingo site just for a smile for the holidays.

Great topic here.

Many of you, who know me by now, know that I am an advocate for the childless, not by choice.(CNBC)

This time of year is the worse time for many of us who are CNBC. (Second place is Mother's Day, but they both run neck 'n neck)

I am co-founder of a board for those who cannot have children. This time of year, especially, we receive a large number of new members seeking understanding and somewhere, ANYWHERE to turn for some kind of hope and help. And many come with suicidal thoughts.

These "holidays" that are so child oriented make us all want to recoil and hibernate until it's "all over". Mall shopping is something that I have not done in years. Receiving those Christmas cards complete with photos of "how the kids have grown" has become a literal chore to get thru.

Please, I am not trying to be ugly. My goal/calling is to educate others about how we really feel. Hollywood has often depicted us as the "woman who steals babies from hospitals". I can say that the urge to give birth to our "own" is very strong, but I have not known any CNBC'er who has done this!

Please, as I'd mentioned not long ago in another post, remember those who are childless. Unfortunately the depression can start before Thanksgiving and continue thru Christmas week.

Also, if you know of someone who you think may need to be directed to our site, it is
Childless Not By Choice
Where they ARE understood and not alone!

[ December 20, 2005, 10:44 AM: Message edited by: Di ]

Di, I'm so glad you brought this up because it has never occurred to me that childless women feel this way about Christmas. I can understand the feelings on Mother's Day but never gave it a thought that Christmas is also a tough one. Thanks for doing this!

By the way, my own friend is childless and I have always avoided incessant chatter about my kids. I always focused on the stuff we enjoyed and still do before I had kids. I realized how people can bore you or try to hurt you with talk about what "Johnnie is doing and what Mary did for me" and blah, blah, blah. I knew my own friend wouldn't appreciate it so I just left it up to her to ask about my kids if she wanted to.